I’ve already mentioned how deeply invasive and personal the
annulment process is. You really do have to detail every minute weakness in
your marriage. So, if that’s the case, why would anyone go through it?
In talking to a few people who have been through the
process, one answer reigns supreme: It provides an unwavering sense of closure.
No person I spoke with said the procedure was painless. In
fact, each individual talked at length about the pain and hurt they experienced
as they rehashed the best and worst moments of their marriages. But as one
woman put it, “all the pain is worthwhile when it comes to the end and you
discover that you didn’t buck God’s plan by divorcing; you bucked it by
marrying that person in the first place.”
That same woman has had not one, but two, annulments. The
first annulment was suggested by her parish priest. It never occurred to her to
seek one, because she wasn’t aware she qualified. She had sought pastoral
counseling at her local parish because she wanted advice on how to be a good
Catholic despite her divorce – basically, she wanted information on what
behavior was and wasn’t allowed. In talking with her about her marriage, her
priest felt that it was flawed from the beginning and handed her an annulment
application, telling her she needed to fill it out.
She sought another annulment on her own after her second
marriage failed when her husband decided a cute blonde in his office was more
suited to his tastes than she was.
She’s the first to call the process painful, but for her it
was necessary. She’s the kind of Catholic who finds great reward in receiving
the Eucharist. To her, “there is no greater gift than to consume the body and
blood of Jesus through Communion.”
As a divorced Catholic, you can only accept the Eucharistic
sacrament if you’ve gone through the rite of Reconciliation and are living as married
person separated from his/her spouse (i.e., no dating or other romantic
considerations).
This woman, who has experience with infidelity just as I do,
encouraged me to also seek an annulment, telling me I would learn so much about
myself and my marriage that would help me avoid making the same mistakes in
future relationships.
So why don’t I just bite the bullet? Though I like to grouse
about the expense, the fees associated with annulments are not my deterrent. My
deterrent is simple: Fear of rejection. See…no matter what your grounds are,
annulments are not guaranteed. Even if your husband banged the free world, that’s
no guarantee that the marriage will be annulled. You have to lay all cards on
the table and await the tribunal’s decision. Waiting is not a gift I have. In
fact, patience is one of those virtues I missed as I made my way down the
assembly line of creation.
Right now, I’m content to live life as I am, not worrying
about the particulars of an annulment. I may seek one in the future but I don’t
plan to enter the process anytime soon.
