As I previously mentioned, my godfather is quite persistent
in encouraging me to seek an annulment. He’s even gone so far as to set up
meetings for me with other Catholics who have gone through the process. Though
he can come across as overbearing, his heart is in the right place.
Before delving deeper into the subject, I think it’s
important to clear up some misconceptions on annulments. Contrary to the belief
of many, an annulment is not a Catholic form of divorce, nor does it mean that
the marriage never occurred. It also doesn’t make children produced during the
marriage illegitimate.
Catholics believe that no man/woman has the power to destroy
or separate what God has joined. All an annulment does is offer a way out for
those who have entered into marriage outside of God’s plan for them. Catholics
are firm believers in free will and the human capacity to thumb one’s nose at
God and his will. Basically, an annulment is simply a religious declaration
that the marriage was not of God and therefore, should not be subject to God’s
law.
As a religious decree, an annulment also has no bearing on
the legitimacy of children. The definition of legitimate is “legal.” In most
states, children born to a married couple are assumed to be the legal (or
legitimate) heirs of that couple. There is no need to establish paternity,
unlike children borne out of wedlock. Since a Catholic annulment is not a
legally binding degree, it cannot make legitimate children illegitimate.
So, if an annulment has no legal implications, why bother
with it? Well, for a Catholic, an annulment is the only way he/she can date and
remarry without being considered an adulterer. An annulment is required for the
divorced Catholic who wants to practice the fullness of the faith through the receipt
of the Eucharist and eventually remarry within the church.
The annulment process is similar, though much more invasive,
than a legal divorce. There are clear-cut rules and a required process for
applying for an annulment. Also, most dioceses require a legal divorce decree
to be finalized before an annulment application will be considered. Most
annulments take about 18 months to be granted or denied. And during those 18
months, the person seeking the annulment is subjected to intense questions
about every aspect of the marriage and also an interview process before the
tribunal will determine whether the marriage qualifies to be annulled. It’s not
cheap, either. Though some people have gotten away with paying around $500 for
their annulments, I know of others who’ve had to pay thousands. It just depends
on the diocese and those involved in the process.
So, what are the grounds for an annulment? Annulments are
not guaranteed for any reason, but there are some instances where an annulment
is almost a sure thing. Those include: Failure to consummate the marriage;
mental defect of one or both parties and fraud.
Fraud seems to be the blanket ground used by most couples
because it can encompass a litany of problems: Lying about the desire to have
children, adultery, lying about the desire to procreate, drug/alcohol abuse,
physical/mental abuse. But fraud can also be hard to prove.
The other thing that many don’t realize about the annulment
process is that it looks at the marriage as a whole, though particular
attention is paid to the time immediately preceding and following the wedding
day, since that is the timeframe in which one can determine best whether the
marriage was sanctioned by God or not.
So, let’s say you married a cheater. You found out your wife
(love to mix up gender stereotypes whenever possible) banged the best man in
the vestibule before your wedding and you caught them. But hey, being the
forgiving guy you are, you went along with the wedding anyway, blaming the tactless
indiscretion on premarital jitters. A year later, you find out wife and said
best man are still going at it hot and heavy but do nothing about the
discovery. Five years later, you find out she’s not only doing the deed with
the best man but also banging the free world every time you turn your back. You
decide enough is enough, kick out the harlot and file for divorce. Once the ink
is dry, you decide that you might want a reply of that big, Catholic wedding
your parents paid an arm and a leg for so you decide to apply for an annulment.
In seeking one, though, you will not only get to divulge
everything your cheating wife did to destroy the marriage, but you are expected
to truthfully detail your responses to those deeds and anything you may have
done to contribute to the failure of the marriage. When reviewing your case,
the tribunal will not only look at the misdeeds of you and your wife, but it
will also look at how each of you reacted to those deeds and how long you knew
of them and tolerated them. Oh…and the tribunal will contact your ex and give
her a chance to defend herself.
Sound like fun? I don’t think so.
And that’s why I’m not sure I want to go through it.