In reading over my previous blog entry, I can’t help but wonder if what my godfather considers a “crisis of faith” is merely a crossroads.

Why have I waffled between Catholicism and non-Catholicism? Simple: I hate hypocrisy, and it’s no easy task to be a divorced Catholic. If I'm going to return to practicing Catholicism, it's important to me that I'm not a Cafeteria Catholic who picks and chooses her beliefs. That's not faith. That's molding God into the ways of man, not molding myself into God's plan for me. I've immersed myself into studying the doctrine of both faiths. For Catholicism, I recommend "Catholicism for Dummies" and "The Good News About Sex and Marriage."

I enjoy many aspects of Catholicism: The reverence for the Blessed Mother, the ritual of the sacraments, the clear-cut chain of command through apostolic succession, the consistency of basic core beliefs from parish to parish, transfiguration of the Eucharist. I love the crucifix and the rosary. But there are also struggles I have with the faith. For instance, all Christian faiths believe sex is something that should only be shared between a husband and wife. OK, no premarital sex. Not exactly common in this day and age or fun, for that matter, but I can buy into that.

Catholicism, however, takes the rules governing sex even deeper. There are rules governing how a husband and wife may connect with each other on that level. Simply said, it is possible for married couples to commit sin by having sex with each other. There are also the rules against the use of birth control, masturbation and fertility treatments and the requirement of confession to a priest. Another concern for me is the issue of divorce. For Catholics, marriage is for life, even if you're not married in the Catholic church. Unless I get an annulment, I'm expected to live as a married woman separated from her spouse. If I date, I'm committing adultery. At 30, I think I'm too young to commit to a life without romance.