What To Do If You Walked Out…And Now You Want To Walk Back In
Somewhere in the world there is a couple who doesn't make mistakes, truly never has to say they're sorry. I don't know nor do I live anywhere near that couple. Instead, I live in reality, where people do make mistakes, and in relationships one of the most common mistakes is when one person walks out, thinking that the other person will always be there to welcome them back. Forever. Alas, such is not the case. I've learned in my life that you must be careful who you abandon, because even the most understanding partner has his/her limit.
However, it is hard to make the realization that the house you just left truly is your home, and that you belong not camped out on your sister's pull-out sofa, but in the nook of your hubby's sleeping arms. So what can you do when you want to come back? Here are some ideas.
First off, it depends on how you left. Was there name calling? Did you throw things? Insult his mother, call him ugly, and put depilatory cream in his shower cap? If your divorce/separation was odious and malicious in nature, coming back with your tail between your legs may be hard, but it helps if he (I use the male pronoun since I'm a girl; it's also easier than continuously writing he/she, etc.) was also mean. Remember that episode of Sex and the City where Carrie comes home to Aidan ready to apologize, but then she sees that he's not ready to apologize, and so she doesn't say anything? She won't give in because she feels that her "giving in" isn't being reciprocated.
Often times making up can be like a tug-o'-war, with neither side wanting to budge an inch. Unless you and your spouse are like a pair of saints, one of you is probably going to have to be the bigger person. Compromising is often misunderstood to be a sign of weakness. It is simply meeting the other person halfway; but if they won't (or don't, or can't) sometimes you have to go a little further out on the limb. You'll either get rewarded in the end, or you won't. Either way you'll discover whether the relationship is truly worth salvaging.
Don't be obsequious. Nobody wants a groveling partner. At least nobody should. Don't buy him lavish gifts; don't send bouquet after bouquet of flowers to her job. This implies that material possessions are enough to heal emotional pain, which can seem like an insult. Instead, get maybe one gift, and let your actions do the rest. And please don't sit outside her apartment with a boom-box playing "Unbreak My Heart" by Toni Braxton. Ever.
Also, I think if you're the one on the receiving end of this (if your partner is the one who walked out and now wants to come back) you have to be mature enough not to take advantage. People make mistakes. Don't expect your spouse to spend the rest of her life trying to make it up to you, and also don't think that now you run the show. If you're loving every minute of this because now you can guilt your wife into cooking your favorite foods, rubbing your feet, and letting you watch football, maybe you need to grow up.
It is extremely difficult knowing whether or not a relationship is worth salvaging. I am all for trying to make things work out, if both people are willing to compromise and change their behaviors. Who is it, Dr. Phil I think, who says that you can't change what you don't acknowledge. So if you're sitting around waiting for your spouse to morph into a different person and maintaining that you need do nothing, chances are you're probably never going to fix the relationship. A relationship is like a centipede, it can only work if both partners are moving in the same direction. Then again, what do I know…I just stole an analogy from Family Guy.
Anybody have any experiences where they came back with their tail between their legs? Or did anybody's spouse try to come back after walking out? Share!
by
AndreaNostramo
150 Posts
Posted on
2/23/2008 6:57 PM
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