Should You Try A Trial Separation Before Getting A Divorce?
I always thought a trial separation was something court ordered by a judge to those abusive couples you see on Cops. Apparently, it's something entirely different. Some couples say it saved them from going through the pain of divorce, while others say that it made them realize how wrong for each other they were. I think it can be an excellent way to get some space, and some much needed clarity.
Reasons your marriage can benefit from a trial separation:
1. You might just need to cool down.
How many times do you get into a huge fight with your spouse where you screamed, yelled, insulted his mother, threw your shoe at him, poured soup in his lap, and then said, "I want a divorce!" only to regret it three seconds after the words escaped your lips. What, no one's done that? Well, me either. My point is this: sometimes in the midst of a heated argument you say things you regret and think the marriage has reached its fatal end. Chances are, you and your spouse may just need a cooling off period. Take a few days to cool off; go stay with your sister, and let him complain about you to his buddies. Chances are, you'll either realize how much you missed each other, or you won't. Either way you'll know what's up.
2. Absence makes the heart grow fonder.
Seventeenth century French writer Comte Debussy-Rabutin once wrote, "Absence is to love what wind is to fire, it extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great." Simply put? If your relationship is strong, time apart will only make it stronger. If your relationship is weak, time apart will only weaken it further. For a long time, the idea of marriage made me feel like I was drowning. And I didn't even have a boyfriend. The thought of living with someone 24/7, sharing everything with them, was too suffocating. But being married doesn't mean you can't take some time for yourself. Marriage counselors would suggest that couples have certain separate things, so that they don't get sick of each other.
Also, a trial separation can show you that maybe a divorce isn't what you need. You may realize that you miss the way your husband clips his toenails on the couch, or the way your wife snorts whenever she laughs. Sometimes the things we hate or take for granted become sweet quirks when the person's not around. Another benefit of trial separation: less paperwork.
