Is There Such A Thing As An “Amicable Divorce”?
I really could not get over the outpouring of people who berated me for implying that all divorces were nasty, negative, and unbearable. So I set out to find stories of ones that weren’t. And I was really shocked by how many people had, what they referred to as a “friendly divorce.” It shook all of my preconceived notions of divorce to the core. So what was it then that made these happy couples so full of pluck and vigor? I sought to find out.
Janine, 31, met her husband when the two of them were just sixteen. They married at twenty and were divorced nine years later. “It was really weird because there was just this moment where we both realized we were destined to be best friends, but not husband and wife.” Janine and her ex-husband have remained best friends. Adorable, to say the least, but is it realistic?
Richard, also 31, said that he and his wife both cheated on each other at about the same time, without the other one knowing. “When I confessed to my wife [that I’d cheated on her], she blurted out, ‘I slept with Tom,’ who was an old friend of hers from college. We both just started laughing. We loved each other and didn’t want to hurt each other but we weren’t emotionally invested in each other the way a couple should be. Our divorce was simple and uneventful. Our other divorced friends always say they’re jealous.” Richard and his ex-wife are still friends. They’ve each remarried, and are even friends with their ex’s new spouse. How alarmingly cute.
Don’t those stories make you feel like you’re in the twilight zone? Most of my friends have sordid tales of painful, agonizing divorces, problems with custody, money, assets, everything from who gets the dog to who gets the kids. It all made me wonder: if there are couples out there who are able to divorce with respect and dignity and - perish the thought - friendliness…what the heck is wrong with the rest of us?
Apparently, nothing. I asked my friend, a social worker in Manhattan, whether it was common (read: normal) for divorces to be amicable.
“Not really,” she said. “Divorce is a tumultuous time in a marriage; it is often filled with anger, resentment, and often betrayal. I don’t think it makes one couple better or worse for being able to get through it without too much drama. They should just consider themselves lucky.”
Good to know.
Anyone else have a story about an amicable divorce? Apparently, they exist!