First of all, I'd like to say that my children and their physical and psychological well-being are my ex's and my first priority. At the same time, now that I am single (which is quite a foreign experience after being married for almost 10 years), I realize that my personal life and adult relationships are also important to my well-being, which in turn makes me a better parent. Apparently I am somewhat marketable (I think that's word that newly divorced people use) because I have not had any shortage of dating options. Or, maybe there are just a lot of other people in a similar place in life, which is also comforting and concerning at the same time. I wouldn't say divorce is an epidemic because that has a negative connotation; but if nothing else, it is pretty common nowadays.
I do feel that it is important to keep that part of my life separate from the children though; hence the double agent reference. Basically, from Sunday through Wednesday morning, I am super-dad. Don't mean that I'm best dad ever or anything like that; just that I'm pretty much full time dedicated to child rearing. You know the routine, breakfast, baths, teeth brushing, homework, laundry, sports, kid birthdays and activities, school drop off and pick up, and on and on, etc., etc. This is life #1 and honestly, the most fulfilling and rewarding.
But, living single is not always such a bad thing either. So, from Wednesday night through Saturday morning, I am the Single Guy. Meeting friends for drinks after work; lunches with potential dates, dating on the weekends, attending parties, and being back in the bar scene. Oh yeah, it's pretty exhausting.
Part of the problem with dating now is that I am not sure exactly what I am looking for in a companion. Just to have fun and inflate my ego? Possilby get to know someone new and grow to like them? Become emotionally involved/invested? Get married? Have more kids? Good Lord, I just don't really know. The other issue is that it is very difficult to develop a relationship with someone on a part time basis. Combine that with the fact that because we have 2 children together, my ex and I speak and see other very regularly and that is tough for some people to accept.
So, my dilemna is as follows: Do I continue to lead a double life; part time family guy, part time single guy and just not mention that I have kids and an ex wife? Or, do I just stay out of the game altogether and find a more productive hobby on my free days? Do I limit myself to other divorcee's?
All my married friends think I should take full advantage of being single. But I tell them that I was already 21 once and am not trying to relive that. Just trying to lead some semblence of a "normal" life again; whatever that means. Any suggestions are greatly appreciated!! :-)