I am often approached with questions about how do you know if it's time to get divorced. More specifically, I'm even more often times asked if I think people should stay together for the kids' sake?

My answer usually is something like "it depends."  But, more often than not, the answer is absolutely not.  I often think of the age-old question of would you have a baby to save your marriage, or make the marriage better?  Most people say no, of course not.  Adding the stress of a baby is not going to save a marriage, in fact it is likely to make it more difficult. 

So, then I ask the question, is adding the stress of a crumbling marriage going to make you a better parent?  Absolutely not.  Usually.  If you are fortunate enough that the romance has just died and you are not launching nightly cannons and going for the jugular in your arguments, then MAYBE, it might seem reasonable to stay.

However, more often than not, even if things are smooth sailing at first, eventually someone wants to move forward with their life and the nice agreements don't work out so nice anymore.  Resentment builds.  Hostility grows.  It is no environment to raise a child in.  Besides, I always think that I have set the example that nobody can treat me worse than I allow them to. 

So by standing up and exiting a bad situation, I set the example that I am worth more than that, and so were my kids.  So, should you stay together to raise your kids?  Nope, probably not.  Move on. Set the example that you can be good parents together even though you are not together.  That is the message I'd want to send.