And So this life begins  

I am at the point where i am waying that decison on if i should stay or go if i should muster thought the hard times that seem to never be ending. My mom would say "Sonya deal  with the hard because there could be so much good ahead" me myself i think that is the talk of a wonderful 2nd marriage if she would have stayed with the first i think that advise would be so diffrent. I know that relationships have hard times but do they have to be this hard. Do they have to test every part of who and what you are as a person a wife a mother a lover and a firend I thought i was doing so well.  Then the wake up light came on.  Another night of sitting alone while he is having a good time out, another night of putting our daughter to sleep alone without daddy kissing  her goodnight, another broken promise another broken heart another fight waiting to happen. One thing i learned from my ever so interesting mother would be never fight until your alone so when is that going to happen my husband works all the time not because he has to because he wants to and if he isn't working he is playing he favorite saying is " I work hard so i should play hard" and i rebutle with well why don't you play hard with your daughter and wife!!!!!!

     Is that hard?
     Is it to much to ask?
     Is it one of those things that only a wife would think of?
     And then i have the what if questions going through my head the

What if i walk out now would he open his eyes?
What if i stay am i in for even more hurt?
How much is to much to put yourself though?
How much can one independent woman stand?
How many times do i have to be alone and wonder what i did wrong to deserve this ?