I’m going to throw in some co-parenting tips here and there to help, if I can, other people in my situation. Once you get past the initial devastation of separation and divorce, you can think a little more clearly about this subject.

That doesn’t make it any easier. It’s hard to let your children go with someone you harbor so much resentment about and who was a party to so much pain in your life, but you have to.

So maybe I can help you bite your tongue a bit and make things a little easier on everyone, especially your kids. After all, they are our main concern. My kids always had problems with the transition between me and him. Partly because I’m very close with my kids, and partly because he’s lived some places they didn’t feel comfortable in.

He’s moved a lot, a couple of apartments, a couple of girlfriends’ homes, his parents’ home. It’s hard on kids. I tried to make the transition easier by mentally preparing them for their visit. I talked with them about the fun things they would do. Wouldn’t it be good to get to spend some time with Dad? Have you missed him this week? What fun did they have last time they went? Maybe they would go see their favorite cousins.

My youngest is always the most resistant, even six years after the final separation. He never wants to go–until his dad gets here. Then he changes his mind. And my youngest is stubborn and has a temper. The best way I’ve found to deal with him is to listen to him when he starts telling me he doesn’t want to go. If I know they are doing something irresistible to him, I’ll remind him of it.
 
Lets face facts, if you are like me, your ex is much better off financially than you are, and he has the cash to do things with them you can’t. I used to call it the “every other weekend fun guy syndrom.” But it can work to your advantage to soothe an upset child that does not want to leave Mommy. Sometimes that works. If it doesn’t I just listen and tell him I understand how he’s feeling, never telling him he has to go or engaging in an argument with him.
 
Never forget that they have deep hurts because of the divorce, too, and their feelings deserve validation, no matter how hurt and upset you are. It always helped me focus and put my hurts aside to put them first. It’s not easy when he’s throwning fits and still doesn’t want to go.
 
But here’s the key, I go ahead and pack his bag. Depending on his mood, I might have to do it when he’s not aware I’m doing it, but I always have his bag ready. Most of the time, when his dad comes to the door, his face lights up and he’s ready to go, asking where his bag is. It’s always a relief, but because I’d much rather see his face light up than have a confrontation with the ex. If I would tell him he has to go, make him feel he’s forced, I’d have an all out war on my hands until his dad got here, and usually that’s when the war advances to the father front, too.