well after spending tuesday nite crying my eyes out; I slowly start to recover and move towards some level of emotional stability. well thursday nite my s2bxw comes by my house asking to see the kids; of course I let her in (because i'm dumb like that).
she hugs and kisses the kids and tells them goodnite.
i find myself just staring at her; remembering all the smiles, laughs, hugs, kisses, and special moments (but that appears to be a past life). As she is walking towards the front door, I give her a hug and a kiss on the cheek (I know, more dumbness on my part, but I still love her). Without thinking I kiss her... she doesn't resist or pull away. But it ends as quickly as it began; so I watch her walk down the driveway, get in her car, and drive away.
I told my therapist about the encounter. Therapist suggested just asking her if she still has feelings for me. If she says "no", then i need to eliminate intimate contact (hugs & kisses) immediately and put some physical and emotional distance between us. If she say "yes". then I should ask what can i do or what does she need from me in order for us to reconcile our marriage. Well I asked her this morning if she still had feelings for me and she said that she still does, but when I asked what i could do or what she needed, she said "I don't know."
Her behavior gives the impression that she is uncertain about getting a divorce.
I wish she would just commit to either being in or out. Being in emotional limbo F*****G sucks, tears me apart, and leaves me emotionally, mentally, and physically wiped out. I wish I knew what to do.