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She loves me... she loves me not... she...???? 

well after spending tuesday nite crying my eyes out; I slowly start to recover and move towards some level of emotional stability.  well thursday nite my s2bxw comes by my house asking to see the kids; of course I let her in (because i'm dumb like that).

 

she hugs and kisses the kids and tells them goodnite.

 

i find myself just staring at her; remembering all the smiles, laughs, hugs, kisses, and special moments (but that appears to be a past life).  As she is walking towards the front door, I give her a hug and a kiss on the cheek (I know, more dumbness on my part, but I still love her).  Without thinking I kiss her... she doesn't resist or pull away.  But it ends as quickly as it began; so I watch her walk down the driveway, get in her car, and drive away.

 

I told my therapist about the encounter.  Therapist suggested just asking her if she still has feelings for me.  If she says "no", then i need to eliminate intimate contact (hugs & kisses) immediately and put some physical and emotional distance between us.  If she say "yes".  then I should ask what can i do or what does she need from me in order for us to reconcile our marriage.  Well I asked her this morning if she still had feelings for me and she said that she still does, but when I asked what i could do or what she needed, she said "I don't know." 

 

Her behavior gives the impression that she is uncertain about getting a divorce.

 

I wish she would just commit to either being in or out.  Being in emotional limbo F*****G sucks, tears me apart, and leaves me emotionally, mentally, and physically wiped out.  I wish I knew what to do.

by Spartan  47 Posts 

Posted on 10/10/2008 1:20 PM
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Tags: reconciliation , communication , dealing with the ex ,
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Comments for "She loves me... she loves me not... she...????"  (1) (You must be logged in to answer)




Spartan

I am so sorry this is so hard on you.  Maybe there is a chance and it sounds to me like you would like to reconcile your marriage.  Keep your heart open to that but don't be a doormat (I don't think you are by the way).  Your expressions of love are natural - you still love her!  There is nothing wrong with that and nothing to be ashamed of at all.

Unfortunately this will probably take a long time.  Probably longer than you would like.  She needs to sort some things out.  Give her space - maybe another month say and then approach her again very carefully about her thoughts.  If she does give you her feelings fight that Martian urge to question and solve problems even if you do not agree with what she is saying.  Give her the chance just to be heard, understood and respected.  If there appears to be an opening then suggest maybe meeting with a counselor but let it be her decision.  Let the counselor work out the problems with the two of you not you working them out for her or the other way around.

But then keep moving forward as if you are going to be single.  It sucks but you are living in two worlds for awhile.  At least you may have hope for your marriage.  The divorcecare classes will help and there are specific sections for these situations.
 
Good luck to you and your family.  I will keep you and your family in my prayers.
by hutchIN   178 Posts
Posted on 10/10/2008 1:33 PM
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