First of all, anyone reading this blog should first look at my husband's blog :
http://www.divorce360.com/community/advice/view/13615/im-lost.aspx
He's fordhighboy32
Okay, now that you've seen that, I just want to get my side out. He knows that I'm on this site as well.
First, I would like to address the friend issue. This particular friend has a huge influence on him. I have never dissapproved of him. But I see trends in my husband that follow this friend. When we were first married, this friend went through several short lived relationships. Everytime this friend was happy and in love, my husband was in love with me. Everytime this freind ended a relationship, my husband and him would get together, and all of the sudden he would find new things that were wrong with us. My husband does not talk to me about any of these things. I have tried to get him to communicate with me, but he usually just says whatever he feels will end the conversation quickly. Now that his friend is actually getting a divorce, he's now thinking about it (big surprise).
I just don't think he wants to put any effort, but still wants me to hold up my half (and his!). He expects surprises, and always asks me to get him all this extravagant stuff, but he didn't get me anything or even get creative for my brithday OR our 5th wedding anniversary.
I would like to mention that I have done a lot and given up a lot for this man. I gave up a full ride to college and have made many sacrifices to be with him. I put him through school and I pay most of the bills. I cook him supper, get my brother ready for school without bothering him(he lives with us, but more on that later), and have worked several jobs just so that he could do what he needs to do. I work from 7:45-5:15, come home, help my brother with homework, try to clean a little, cook cupper, start on my homework around 9, and after that, start making jewelry to sell to make a few extra bucks. This leads me to the whole complaining about the job thing. I worked so hard and worked multiple jobs at a time for him to get through school, all the while going to school fulltime myself. He did not have to pay a dime. He said he had a dream, and I did everything that I could to support him and make it happen. I helped him study and understood the fact that he could not make a regular salary while he was partime. I even took out a loan and took extra jobs cleaning houses so that I could pay for all of his tools. I did this despite the fact that the 2 years he had dropped out of school, he worked 20 hours a week at a local grocery store to "find himself" while I still had to work a fulltime job, clean houses, and still go to school full time. Now that he has his degree and is working for a dealership, here is the scenario: He leaves the house at 8:00 in the morning and comes home around 9:00pm-1:00am. He makes $400 a month. A MONTH. Would the rest of you not think that there might be something going on?
I suppose next is the whole religion thing. It is true that I am not a religious person, but I have NEVER told him he could not practice his faith. I do not debate with him, and I nod and smile when he says things that I disagree with, because I know they are important to him. I told him that he had to stop going to his particilar church for awhile because he built up a $300 phone bill in which our minutes were used to talk to his friend about his divorce and our apparant one. This church is in another city, and gas is very expensive right now. I told him he would have to settle for going to the local Catholic church if he was making $400 a month and I had to pay down the phone bill, because I could no longer afford the money for gas.
His family that he mentions has never supported anything he ever did, and treats him like crap when we go see them. I love my mother in law to death, and even she is mad at him right now because he did not pay his truck payment which she cosigned for. Alot of his family treat both of us coldy and talk to him like he dumb (which he's not). My family has always welcomed him with open arms, and my grandparents have done so much for him.
The worst part about this is that we have taken in my brother who came from a very unstructured and negative home. He is 13. I thought that we were gonna be able to show him a real family and what 2 people in love were supposed to act like. If we divorce, we're just gonna be another 2 people that disappoint him and that "don't work out".
I am currently packing for my grandparents house and he is at work, I don't know what else to do. My brother is visiting his mom this weekend, so he can be spared the drama. As bad as all of this seems, we have gone through so much together. We hardly even fight, but maybe that is because we're ignoring our problems. I've had him with me since the 6th grade-I can't even imagine life without him there. It may be hard to believe after all that, but they are some really good times. He helps around the house, takes care of my car, and we eat dinner and spend time as a family together everynight. We can laugh with each other nonstop. It's just....I don't think I have the funds or the resources to provide him the kind of happiness that he wants. It feels like I'm just not good enough, and that I've worked so hard for nothing sometimes. Any advice would be appreciated, because I'm lost too....