Yeah, I know I ripped off the title of today's blog. Sorry.
I haven't posted in a while, because I haven't felt as though I had much to write about. I've been in a funk, which I can't seem to shake.
Had a great time with my sister during Girls Weekend, even though we ended up sharing Ocean City, MD, with numerous bikers. As in Harleys. Most of them were nice enough, but the bikes were LOUD! We had a good time anyway, although we prudently went inside after the rowdy guys next door offered to "come over and party with you girls!" I had visions of the house-wrecking scene from "Weird Science" or maybe "16 Candles" so I said, thanks but no.
This weekend was good. STBX was traveling, so the kids and I hung out at the house, ran some errands, and spent some time enjoying the beautiful weather at a local farm that does hay rides, pick-your-own, etc.
So why did I wake up so sad today?
Well, for one thing I knew I'd be seeing my lawyer today to (please God) finalize the property settlement agreement. One step closer to the irrevocable end. Not that I think we should stay married, but I miss my life. I miss being part of our unit, our team. Instead, now I'm a free agent, disconnected from everything I'm familiar with, and I feel as though my market value has drastically plunged.
Then there was the email from my STBX-MIL, which hit me first thing when I arrived at the office. Her son, my STBX, STILL has not told her anything about what's been going on!!!! Can you believe that? All she's heard are bits and pieces from my sisters-in-law, her daughters (and God knows what they've told her; they both hate me with a passion). She was very puzzled and hurt that her precious son didn't see fit to tell her anything. I wanted to say, well, that's because denial isn't just a river in Egypt and if you looked up "dysfunction" in the dictionary, a picture of you with your children would be there, but I resisted the urge.
I gave her the quick and dirty version. I didn't sugar-coat it, but I tried to stay civil - after all, she's over 70 and recovering from breast cancer, so probably best not to hit her with both barrels.
Then it was off to the meeting with my attorney. After about 5 minutes I just wanted to jam a pencil in my own eye. But I didn't.
Then finished up my day at the office, picked up the kids, brought them home, and so forth and so on.
I wish I could shake this funk. I feel funky, but not in a good, George Clinton kind of way. Meh.