So I have started going to a meditation practice. It is an open-eyes meditation and it is about tapping into a greater energy. And yes, I too find elements of incredibly hokey. But last night wehn I went, I observed 2 very interesting things about myself:
1) I had the same approach to this that I have to everything else in my life; everyone is having a deeper, richer experience than I am. I was convinced that everyone else in the room was experiencing it differently and better than I was. And that is how I seem to look at my life. Somehow I am missing some secret ingredient that others have. Silly, right?
2) I watched the teacher work with other people and became focused on him having a positive experience working with me. I interpreted (because I am always interpreting) his facial expressions as reacting to their pain or negativity and decided that when he got to me, he would feel nothing but positivity. And that is how I go into relationships. I am going to be so good, so positive, that they can't help but love me and commit to me.
So maybe I am not getting out of these meditations what I am "supposed to", if there even is a supposed to, but I seem to be getting some self awareness that I need.