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his return 

the last entry I told you that my husband had been out of town for a few days.  He got back yesterday, did he spend time with the kids and tell them about his trip, did he spend time with me or even eat dinner with us.  the answer to all the above is NO!  He sat down stairs and drank all night long, I guess he came to bed around 2am or so.  He wanted to snuggle, but I just ignored him.  My daughter asked me why after being gone all week he did not want to spend time with us.  I did not have an answer for her, I just told her I didn't know, but I could tell she was hurt that he did not even talk to them about the trip.  I feel like we are really starting to fall apart now.  I know he is depressed that he is now out of work again, but he is the one that gave up one job without securing another one.  We are the ones that have to deal with that.

I feel like I must not be worth too much, if he did not even want to talk to me last night, but he did want to spend time drinking, I feel like I take a distant second place to the booze.

by JRoy  27 Posts 

Posted on 9/18/2008 8:32 AM 		Get AlertsGet Alerts!
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Tags: what now
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Comments for "his return"  (1) (You must be logged in to answer)
Don't get me wrong for what I'm about to say...I don't excuse his behavior or want to belittle how it's affecting you or your kids.  But I will say that depression does some really fucked up things to people.  It does cause them to be selfish and self-absorbed.  My wife has it, and that's the place she's at.  I'm trying to understand it and deal with it, but it is frustrating.  His hitting the bottle doesn't help.

At least my wife is seeing a shrink and is trying to get help for it and treat it.  If your husband is "self-medicating" and isn't seeing anyone, then you are all in big trouble.  Just remember this...as long as he is in this dark place of his, whether it's of his choosing or not, he isn't going to be thinking of you or the kids...unless it fits into his selfish plans.

As long as he's there, you can't rely or count on him for anything.  It's going to be up to you to look after yourself and the kids.  Until he decides to get help, that's just the sad reality of it.  You can't control what he does.  You can't make him into a selfless father and husband.  All you can do is what you have control over.  You can choose to leave.  You can choose to give him an ultimatum...the booze or your family...just be careful...don't bluff.  If you aren't pepared to follow through with whatever you threaten him with (i.e. divorce, separation, etc.), then don't give him that ultimatum.

The man you love might come back.  Otoh, you may have lost him to the bottle forever.  You just don't know at this point, but the question you have to ask yourself is how long are you going to wait to see which happens?  You and your kids deserve to be happy too.  There's nothing wrong with that.  I don't envy you the hard choices you have to make...good luck!!!
by BlueB   751 Posts
Posted on 9/18/2008 8:57 AM
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