Should I write or wonder? 

       I'm new so, i don't know if doing this right or not. I've been w/my husband 17yrs. married 31/2yrs. of it. I found out he was in florida w/this woman. which he met in mass. I know this has been going on for along time.I left him. pack my stuff. Left house a mess. Turn off unilties. I never talk to him for 2 months.I told my self I need to face him. It was scaring and i didn't know what to say. I just wanted to scream and say WHY? Hesaid he's going to italy w/sister for 30 days. I gave him a hug goodbye. 4 days passed his cousin came over (helivesw/her) said she needs to tell me something i said idon't want to hear about him. It's important o.k. He'sin jail. I THOUGHT GOOD HE CAN PAY NOW , but I really felt bad. She told me alot of things, but i'm not sure if everthing is true. I called the jail all they would tell me he's there. I want to write to him,but i'm scared to. Hetold me before not to be scared to call him. Maybe he don't want to hear from me orit might make him feel good. I don't want him to feel good I want him to feel misery like i do. I want to know about him,but i'm tired of hurting. It's been 4 months separated. I can't listen to certain music. I tried to have a good time 1 time,but someone sang a song that he sang all the time. I had to leave. Knowing he's coming back eases my mind right now. I really love him i don't understand  WHY? after walking him to bed every night, pick him up from being to drunk to drive,etc. I'm tired of thinking. What should i do? write to him or just wait? We can't get back what we had. He's done things in past and i forgave him. I have grandkids that's not allow to see him. He never did nothing to them it's just my daughter thinks they don't need someone popping in &out of their life. I just want to crawl into a hole and don't come out till its all over. I still wear my wedding band. I can't take it off a part of him will leave me. I tried so hard to  make  him happy.  His cousin said he was calling it off w/her and was going to fix things w/me. Then why don't he call me. It's been 18days since i seen him. Should i write to him? Maybe i might feel at ease,but he might tell me something i really don't want to hear. What should i do?