As an attorney, I have personally seen how terribly expensive and destructive an ugly divorce can be. First and foremost, a difficult divorce can destroy young children, if any. That alone should be enough for any parent to put aside his/her own personal feelings and just work with the ex. I understand emotions are strong and it is hard to think clearly and rationally during a separation/divorce, however, there is no question that the emotional and financial savings greatly outweigh the value of "sticking it" to your ex.
Aside from the children, your own personal time and energy are worth more than the cost of getting back at your ex. As I said, I have seen the toll it takes. People will bankrupt themselves and often their extended family just to "win" the divorce. But, the sad truth is the only winner, is the lawyers who get paid tens of thousands of dollars. And, the result will be the same anyways because the divorce laws are generally so clear and set in stone, that the outcome is fairly predictable; no matter how mean and nasty you are.
Fortunately, my ex and I were able to work together on our divorce. How and why, I couldn't tell you, except that I have been so shocked by how nasty people can be, that I resolved to avoid that at all costs. My ex is a reactionist, so things stayed cool as long as I stayed cool, which wasn't always easy. Here and there things would get heated, of course, but overall, it was fairly smooth (if you can use that term in a divorce). One tool I used was to tell myself that even if we could agree on an issue right then and there, we still could later on. Part of the problem is the thought process that this moment is my only chance to be heard, make sure he or she knows how I feel, and if I don't get it out now, I never will. But just remember, he or she is your EX for a reason. They don't care about your feeling and opinions and don't have to anymore. That is a problem that married people have to deal with. Ha ha.
In fact, no lawyers were ever involved in our case. We simply purchased the forms from our local courthouse (cost was about $20.00), filled them out by hand, and let the process take its course. From beginning to end, the entire process only took about 4 months. Even that was frustrating for me, but in relative terms, it was very quick. That is best case scenario. I don't want anyone to think I am bragging because that is not the purpose of this piece. The purpose is to inspire others to put their EMOTIONS aside and think LOGICALLY. I know it is difficult under these circumstances, but in the midst of a divorce is a time when logic can be SOOOOOOO valuable.
Now, I am not actually a divorce attorney, just have had some experience and know many other divorce attorneys and have heard tons of war stories. I have noticed many more people taking the easy route and hope that continues. Number one, it makes for a better world. The less angry people out there, the better for all of us. Secondly, kids feed off their parents emotions, so the less angry future people out there, the better. Lastly, keep your money in your pocket. There are enough foreclosures out there already, no need to add yourself to that list, just because you and your spouse can't get along anymore.
Finally, you can only keep your side of the street clean. Obviously, we cannot control others, just ourselves. However, most people have a hard time fighting with someone who does not fight back. It takes two to tango. (sorry, another one of my analogies). I am not suggesting that you lie down and give in to all the unreasonable demands of your crazy pissed off ex husband or wife. I am just saying that you can accomplish the same goals (probably more) by acting reasonably and rationally, than by acting mean and nasty.
Anyhow, sorry for the stump speach. Just my opinion. You can take it or leave it.