I had a realization this morning. It occured to me that the true measure of a person is not their generosity, their loyalty, their kindness when things are good. The measure of a person is how they handle things that are difficult. And while that is hard to know at the start of a relationship when things are good and generally easy, there are clues early on. At least there were in all of my relationships. And if I had considered that, I would have not stayed in this last relationship once I knew that he would never stand up to his ex-wife or that he would not parent his daughter when it meant doing something she might not like.
The measure of a person is their ability to handle things that are difficult, to stand up when needed and not run away or lie down. So someone please remind me of this when I get involved in a new relationship. It isn't whether they are bringing me flowers and declaring their love for me. It isn't whether we both enjoy art and music or want to travel the world. The real test of whether a relationship has hope is being with a person that has the ability to handle difficult situations in an adult manner. A person that understands that to be a partner, a parent or a friend isn't always easy, and that knows how to be those things even when circumstances are challenging.