This is a letter I wrote to my wife. I know it didn't help anything, and it really only felt a little good to send it... Oh well. Note: she doesn't know what the "divorce site" is I refer to in the letter ;-)
"After almost 3 months I STILL don't see how this is the answer. How the hell am I ever supposed to be able to truly love and trust another woman if the one that has been the only one I ever felt I could trust and depend on throws me away despite knowing I'm trying so fucking hard?! How the hell can breaking up a family ever feel right? Why do I even try? Why do I keep begging you to stay - I shouldn't have to beg - you should just want to. You should want to because we have been happy, can be happy, can have a good marriage, do love eachother, love our kids and should want them to grow up in a house with both parents being happy if possible - which it is - and you don't. You just don't even give a shit, and yet I still want you to, I still want you to come home, and all of this - I know - is just making you distance yourself more because I'm somehow "the enemy" now.
I know I shouldn't send this either - I should just add it to my journal at the divorce site like I usually do - but you know - something occurred to me lately. Me pretending to be OK with getting my heart ripped out isn't helping me to move on, it only helps you. As much as I love you, and truly do want you to be happy - you need to know that I am NOT ok with any of this, it IS still VERY hard for me, and it makes it worse by far that you are so undisturbed. After all of these years, I'm that easy to throw away. Atop that, I'm so unbearable it's worth giving up 1/2 your time with your kids for, and making me do the same. How does anybody win here...
I was about to just cut this and paste it to my journal, and you would have never seen it. But - I'm hitting "Send" instead. Hate me if you want, don't be my friend (again), if that's what you FEEL is right. God forbid I feel anything that you have to experience. You feel something and I lose my wife. I feel something, and I lose my wife AND my friend."