My Story So far... 

  - The Background-  
     My Wife and I dated for a year before we got married.  It wasn't really a good relationship then.  She was pushing for marriage, and I finally gave in because I felt like it was what God wanted me to do.  Before we were married, we had many fights, she even got really physical... Physical enough that I'm ashamed to say I had to defend myself.  It got so bad that her own mother called the cops on her.  We worked through those issues and took the plunge.  I wasn't really sure if I really loved her or not, but like I said before I did it because it's what I thought God wanted me to do.

- Counseling-
     So fast foreward through that year.  We're married.  We agreed to Marriage counseling from the 3rd month of marriage to now.(almost 5 years) GREAT counseling and advice.... IF BOTH parties use it.  What happened is My wife Got REALLY inappropriatlly close(not sexually inappropriate but still inapproppriate for that to work) to the Asst. Pastors (Marriage counselors) and the Pastors of our church.  She does have many likeable qualities, and if you're not around her enough, or if you make enough excuses for her,  you  wouldn't think she does anything wrong.

     So for the first 3 1/2 years the counseling (although good) was EXTREMELY one sided.  It was all about how I could change to make the situation better.  Which is the first thing to do to make things better.  You can't change the other person, they have to want to change themselves to improve the overall situation.... The catch is... BOTH have to want to work on it.  No matter how much I changed tried to work on things, humbled and submitted my self to God, Counsel, and ultimately her, She'd walk all over me.  She would take advantage of the fact that she was close to them and she knew I would at least try what they said.  And that's just the relationship stuff.

- Some Reasons Why -
     She's lied to me about Money, she's developed a gambeling addiction, and was drinking in the house while my daughter was asleep with her live in best friend, and her 10 month old baby.  I don't know if there's been infidelity but she's lied to me about everything else.   I only got to see my 18 month old daughter an hour a day before I filed for Divorce last thursday. I've seen her about 5 hours since then. I'll post more about it soon, but I need to get some sleep for work.

... Added 12/10/2007
     Ok, I'm really trying to take the high road through all this.  Telling this story is hard to do without relaying some hard truths that shine light on the darker part of her character.  So here goes...

- Domestic Life-
     For the entire time we've been married I've worked full time.  She has not,  one would think in that scenerio that she would be taking care of the domestic duties while I was at work.  Well, guess what?  She didn't.  She would barely get enough done to say she made an attempt.  I didn't grow up in filth so it's been really difficult to be as patient as I've been up unto this point.  In her defence the current situation is such that she works part time, and takes care of our now 18 month old daughter, but even when that wasn't the case she didn't do much (Other than visit her grandparents or mother ).  It didn't matter if we had the gas money or not, she was seeing her grandparents  (AT LEAST) once a week.  Time she needed to be home taking care of the house she was gone.  I know, I know, Yeah I can do housework too.  Yeah, so does she.   Her plan was to let it go as long as possible until I couldn't stand it anymore, and I'd do the work myself.  Now keep in mind this has all been standard living proceedures for 4 3/4 years now.

-The Last Straw-
     For The past 6 months I've asked my wife to take my daughter to see my grandmother who lives only 6 miles from her grandparents that she sees weekly.  And she'd say she would if she could.  I realize that I could have too, but if you knew my wife you'd also know that on my days off she'd always have something planned for me to do, or somewhere for us to go.  So asking her to take her out there was actually the best possible solution.  Also she would always argue with me that my grandmother didn't like her, and that there wasn't a High Chair to feed her in.  On sunday 10/21/2007 I was leaving work at 8:00am I got in my car and there were 2 voice mails from my dad one left at 3am the other 5am.  Yep, you guessed it.  My grandmother had been hospitialized, and they didn't expect her to make it.  I immediately called my wife and told her we'd have to miss church that day because grandma was in the hospital, and explained the gravity of the situation.  I told her to bring my daughter to the hospital.   Well, she took her precious time, and it was like pulling teeth to get her to even show up.  It actually took my asst. pastor yelling at her over the phone for her to stay at all.   That's not even the kicker.  When she did stay she was looking in a Better Homes and Gardens   Magazine (in the room with family and my dieing grandmother) asking me what colors I wanted different rooms in the house we were planning to buy and remodel.  It took me telling her (and finally getting pretty rude) that that wasn't the time nor the place to be discussing those things... Needless to say it didn't get any better.  Grandma Passed on 10/23/2007 at 3:15am  I was there with only my grandpa with me.  My wife may as well have missed the funeral and she left my daughter with her grandparents for most of the wake (obviously without consulting me about it).  She dosen't even know that I have bad or good days concerning it.  

- How I feel now about it -
     It's taken me a long time to finally reach this decision because it was hard to decide if this was the right choice for my daughter.  Ultimately I believe it is because I know what it's like growing up in a home where the parents don't get along, but stay for the kids' sake.   It sucked.  They divorced right before their 25th anniversary.  Any feelings I once had for my wife are gone.  I'm in that stage where I almost hate her.  She's hurt me deeply on more than a few occasions.  I had to get out.  The process has begun...