I can't sleep. the past few days have been weird. D, my husband, applied for a job where he would be working during the day. He works night shift now and I used to tell him how lonely it is for me to come home to an empty apartment. I stopped talking to him about it because it seemed pointless. He likes night shift, likes his job, great co-workers... now, all of a sudden he is willing to make a change. He even sat down and watched a "chick movie"(27 dresses) with me this weekend.
I have to give him credit, he really is trying some different things. It's just confusing the hell out of me. I went to see my new counselor on Thursday and we talked mostly about ending my marriage. I like her-she's smart and she gets that I want to do this in a way that is fair and not cruel to D. Not everybody gets that. They want me to be mean and toss him aside like trash. She even had some suggestions about breaking it down into steps and so on. I was starting to feel almost okay with all of this. This may be an awful thing I am doing, but I can help him find a place to live, maybe even help him out a bit with money for a while. You know, be decent about it. Now I am second guessing myself about the divorce. Was I too quick to decide on this? Should I give it some more time? Would he want to be with me if he knew how much time I spend thinking about C? I doubt that I would want to stay with a man who was wishing he was with some other woman. Maybe we are good roommates and friends but no more. When will I stop being so confused? I wish stone tablets would fall out of the sky, telling me the right thing to do!