Baby Starting Kindergarten on Tuesday 

Well here it is almost Labor Day and my oldest son will be going to Kindergarten on Tuesday.  It is bitter sweet.  He is my baby and I can't believe that 5 years has gone by already.  It also has stirred up a lot of emotions over the past couple of weeks as my ex and I have been sharing the duty of buying school clothes, getting him ready for his soccer team that starts on Wednesday, and just dealing with the changes to come.  It makes me really sad to be doing all of this stuff without being a real family anymore and knowing in my heart that this is just how it will be forever.  I will never be able to get that family unit back with him (not that I would want it), but it still makes me sad to think about all of the stuff that I missing out on when the kids are with their dad.  My ex and I had lunch last week to exchange some clothes for the kids and we talked for about an hour about the kids, how each of our families were doing, etc.  It was really nice.  I am very glad that we can get along like that in the best interest of the kids....but it also makes it hard because I just wonder what the heck really happened in our marriage that led him to finally cheat on me and want a divorce.  It just stirs all of that back up.  I mean dont get me wrong I have been moving forward in my life for many months now and have a great relationship with a man so things are good......but dealing with the upcoming changes of school and all while being a single parent stinks.  I still can't get over that part that he stole from my life.  I was supposed to be with my kids 24/7....not 50/50.  I try not to think about it because I know there is nothing I can do to change things now, but once in a while it drives me crazy.  So for now I am writing just to get my thoughts out.  I just wish things were different, but I have accepted what has happened, but some days it is just hard to realize this is my reality.  I know I need to be thankful that things are as good as they can be...that my ex and I can be completely cival and that he wants the kids 50/50......but again it is still painful at times.  I guess only more time (possibly years) will truly take all of that away that gets stirred up each time there is a change, memory, holiday, etc.