Still feeling sadness with shock 

This afternoon I go back down to the attorney's office to draw up the more detailed divorce agreement papers.  STBX said he will sign just about anything, including admitting to adultery.  Once he got caught, he is just so anxious to get this over with.  I guess he had a while to think of what would happen if he ever was caught in his lies, but this is all still so fresh and raw to me.  I am still in disbelief, angry, and feel lost and abandoned.  I still love the man, despite knowing what he did.  Is that at all normal????  But I know that the horrible deception that was going on is more than enough to let any sane woman know that it is beyond repair.  He made his choice when he first made the decision to cheat on me, so now I have to somehow play catch up and find acceptance.  But how do you do that.  I feel that my life has been taken away from me, all in one instant for me even though he admits to have started cheating back in January.  Together a total of almost 12 years....now on the fast track to divorce.  How can this be.  How can he just pick up and move on so quickly without even second guessing his actions.  And why I am stuck in the 'missing him' mode.  I feel such sadness and anxiety.  Can anyone relate and tell me when I will feel any better about losing the man I so loved to such betrayal.  How can men do this to their family?  And it hurts that he portrayed himself as happy up until he got caught...vacations, family portraits, etc.  I feel like such a fool and that my life was a lie.