I now know why people warn you about getting in a relationship too soon. This one just kind of snuck up on me though. I was very dead set against starting anything with anybody and I was sure I'd stay away from dating for at least a few months. Well, I goofed. There is this guy that goes to my church that is single and as soon as he found out I was divorced (the sunday right after the divorce was final) he asked me out. I didn't feel ready but I figured I could control the situation. Yeah, right!
So we started going out and I did warn him in the beginning to not have any expectations. I didn't want anything serious, I just wanted to date. In fact, over the course of time I would occasionally bring it up just to make sure he wouldn't forget. You can imagine how much he appreciated that. :) Anyway, to make a long story short, it was very easy for me to get caught up in the realtionship-y feeling and we started seeing eachother and talking everyday.
Last week I finally realized what I was doing and that I wasn't ready. I started feeling too much pressure from him and it started effecting my sleep, even my performance at work. I was actually happier after the divorce when I wasn't dating than how I've been since dating him! I feel terrible about this now because he has very deep feelings for me and wants to see things progress. He is always trying to analyze our realtionship and where it is going. That put way too much pressure on me!
I told him last week that I really needed things to cool off a bit so I could focus on myself right now. I need to focus on my job, my kids, myself, and make sure I get my head on straight so I can get to a point where I am ready for a relationship one day. He was very upset but acknowledged that I had warned him many times and he had nothing to reproach me about. But I continue to feel awful and everytime we talk now I feel like he is putting pressure on me and he is still analyzing our relationship.
So now I find myself in exactly the situation I was trying to avoid. And it sucks. He leaves the state in a few weeks anyway, so I have been debating about how to handle this. He is a really sweet, thoughtful guy(he really is) but I'm just not feeling it right now. And now I'm really confused about how to handle this situation I put myself in.
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{Btw... Hi again, everyone~ I know I haven't been back here in a long time (now you know why). There are a lot of new faces on here. Speaking of faces...how do you change your avatar to your own personal pic? I tried and I couldn't figure it out. }