I will be married for 14 years come Thanksgiving. And I have a really hard time deciding what to do. I am not happy in this marriage anymore. We can't seem to talk, he doesn't seem to really want to hear what I have to say. When I told him that I want to separate for a while, nothing legal yet, he freaked out and was thinking about killing himself. I am still not sure if he didn't say or do that to scare me into staying. We are active military and have been for most of our marriage. He had a 4-year-stint in the National Guard before our daughter was born. We had always agreed that he would get out for good when our oldest child starts school so we wouldn't have to move around all the time. Well, she started school 2 years ago and last year he re-enlisted again. And because of his years in service he had to go indefinitely., which for us means another 8 years right now before he can put in his retirement paperwork. Unless he gets promoted, then his years until retirement will go up.
Needless to say I was not happy about his decision. And to top it all of, he had to go to Korea for a year. Now he is back and is stationed out of Ft. Bliss, TX and the kids an I are still living in KY. We agreed that the kids and I would not move with him down to TX, but I am not sure I can keep doing this on my own. This past year was awful! I was sick 5 times during the winter and each time on my own. Even though his family only lives about 3 hours away.
I just want to go back to Germany and be with my parents and my sisters and have some help with the kids. I am not happy here. After living here for 3 years, a few months ago I finally admitted to myself that I am depressed and need help. Other people get thoughts of suicide, I just kept thinking I want to go home! I know he is totally going to lose it if I tell him that I want to legally separate or even get a divorce. I am afraid of what he is going to do. I don't know if I should tell him or just have him served with the papers. I don't even know where to send the papers, because he doesn't have an address down there. He is suspicious of everything I am doing right now. He thinks he talked me out of leaving him, but he doesn't trust me. He checks my email account (the one he knows about), he has his family more or less spying on me. He threatened not to let the kids out of the country to visit their grandparents in Germany in a few weeks. A trip that we have been planning since February. I am thinking: Go for it, get a legal separation. But I am not sure. HELP!!!