Today hurts!! can some help? 

I have been making moves to end my marriage of 17 years, after years of drinking and drugs.  I have wanting to get out for years now I am making the moves to start this process like getting my own bank account and telling my mother about the drug use of my husband.  In the past few weeks I have been feeling like I just want to get out, but now I am hurting.  In the past few day my husband seems to be down, now he does not even sit me next me on the couch in the evenings.  He does not want to make love or does not ask about it.  He does not hold me in bed any more.  I did not think about this, I did not think about how much this part would hurt.  I did not think about how I would feel, how when things starting happening how it would affect me.  After all the years of drinking and drugs,  there are days I don't know why I stayed, but then today I am hurting.  I am now doubting the decision I am trying to make about ending our marriage.  I think that this is all my fault for wanting to leave, how do you deal with days like this, how do I make it to the next day??