It happened finally, that I could not take it anymore - We had another of our fights one night, and I said
"ok, I'll go, I'll leave and you can live the life you WANTED to live... I cannot take it anymore that you blame
your unhappiness on me, and critisize and tease me! You are bullying me all the time! I've had enough!"
Then in the morning next day, he thought everything was the same again - he took me to work... but I was
still crying. I sad its over - why can he not understand that???
Why does HE have the right to treat me like dirt where he spits, and when he feels like laying on the dirt
to get comfort - then he does that??
Why do I need to keep on going keeping my head up high, and do all the changes and work so that
it would please him - but at the same time hear how unpleased and unhappy he is with me???
So, I decided, I will leave.
Now he is on his "nice round" again; petting me and not calling me names or critisizing me too much.
He is pleasant when it doesnt come into discussion...
But when we talk - it all falls apart - and again I am the one who gets all the blame; and I get to hear over and over
again how I am not good enough, and how depressed HE is etc etc.
But after all this, I am still so sad to let go of him...
I have finally got the money I need for tickets to get back home - But how can I leave the man I have so much
feelings for???
I just melt when I see him asleep or being concentrated in doing his stuff (reading, watching tv etc).......
I just want to take care of him - but at the same time, I can not do it good enough.