Weekends are the most painful time for me. I cry the most during that horrible 2 days. During the week, I go to work and have that blessed distraction but then the weekend comes and all of the hard won peace I've gained erupts again and I'm left feeling weak and helpless all over again. I am moving out of our home on Sept 8th and that day just looms before me. I have packed very little and know I'm waiting for the very last minute. Why is this so incredibly hard? Where is my backbone? He just walked away from our marriage without so much as a glance back and all I can do is cry and mope. He told me the other day that I need to look at our separation as just another "experience" and how I look at it will determine my mind set. HOW CAN I LOOK AT THIS POSITIVELY??? I was so mad at his cavalier attitude that I could barely hang up the phone. We talk almost every day and that is beginning to get on my last nerve. It's like we were roommates instead of life partners. I HAVE GOT TO FIGURE OUT A WAY to get over this pain!!! I have yet to go to sleep without some sort of help (tylenol pm, ambien, etc) and I have lost 20lbs. I sometime just stare off into space and think that all I need to do is wake up because I'm really just in the middle of a nightmare. All I think about is how can I get back to being the happy, funny person that I know I am??? Will I ever be happy again? Will I ever be able to get over this? I just seem to drift from day to day. I am hoping that when I move, I will be able to let go of the hope that he will somehow change his mind and I can hopefully move on. But my question is this... move on to what? I just feel so alone and hopeless. Why have I let someone else be the sole reason for happiness? I am so mad at myself that I could just spit!! What kind of wimp cries all of the time when another person decides that they don't want to be with them? Why can't I just say..."screw you, I'm the best thing that has ever happened to you and if you are so stupid to let that go, I can't help you..."?? My self esteem has never been so low and I can't stand it!! Just venting...