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A Little Better... 

It's been a little over a week since I moved out.  I really think it shocked her that I did that...maybe hurt her a little.  For that, I'm sorry, but I think it's also been good for us.  We have gone a couple of days without talking, and I also think that's good.  For my part, I'm not obsessing over every action and word, wondering if it's helping or hurting.  I don't feel like I'm walking on eggshells and I feel like I can be me again.

 

We agreed to once a week having a date day.  I went over to the house yesterday and spent the first part of the day working on the kitchen while she worked on an upstairs bedroom.  We talked a little about how things were going with us and she said that she was feeling a little better too since I moved out and for the same reasons.  Afterwards, we had our date, which went good.  We had fun, but I still noticed that I don't have a lot to say to her.

 

Maybe it's because we've known eachother for so long, that there isn't much to say to eachother that we don't already know.  Maybe it's because I'm still apprehensive about WHAT to say to her and how it's going to affect us.  We went home and spent some time watching tv.  She laid down on "my" couch and laid her head in my lap, which felt good (not in THAT way!!!).  She has been resistant to intimate touching, so I thought that was a good thing.  We hugged and kissed before I left...nothing earth shattering or fireworks, but it was better than kissing a lampshade, which was what it was like before I left.  It's progress, I suppose, but we are a long way from re-igniting that spark in our marriage.

 

And that's okay.  I think we should be taking this slow and not rushing it.  That was part of my issue before is that I would get frustrated and impatient when she wouldn't respond the way I thought she should respond.  This way, I go home, I don't have to obsess over it.  She has an individual appointment with the marriage counselor this week, hopefully, she'll remember and go.  I feel that there is still hope.

by BlueB  817 Posts 

Posted on 8/18/2008 6:32 AM
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Comments for "A Little Better..."  (4) (You must be logged in to answer)




No, Petty, we didn't set a time table, but I did set it with a condition...I told her when she figured out how she wants me in her life to let me know.  I really didn't plan on moving out, it was kind of a spur of the moment decision.  There's also a long story about my job hunting out of state on top of our marital problems, so it makes a timetable on things problematic.

But, we are seeing a marriage counselor, and maybe she can give us input about the ins and outs of separation.  I'm not far away, and I only took clothes with me.  I told her when she's ready to have me back, to let me know.  The ball is in her court now.

But thanks everyone for their support, I appreciate it!!!
by BlueB   817 Posts
Posted on 8/18/2008 2:56 PM
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Glad to hear that things are going well for you :)
by itmustbeme   422 Posts
Posted on 8/18/2008 1:51 PM
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I think that separation is an excellent tool. I wish my husband would think about using it for us. With your separation have y'all made specific agreements and time frames? There are all these rules for using it effectively. It is also good to use it for personal growth as well. Sometimes we have to separate, grow, and then come back together. People should not always see separation as the step before divorce.
by Petty   36 Posts
Posted on 8/18/2008 1:38 PM
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