It's been a little over a week since I moved out. I really think it shocked her that I did that...maybe hurt her a little. For that, I'm sorry, but I think it's also been good for us. We have gone a couple of days without talking, and I also think that's good. For my part, I'm not obsessing over every action and word, wondering if it's helping or hurting. I don't feel like I'm walking on eggshells and I feel like I can be me again.
We agreed to once a week having a date day. I went over to the house yesterday and spent the first part of the day working on the kitchen while she worked on an upstairs bedroom. We talked a little about how things were going with us and she said that she was feeling a little better too since I moved out and for the same reasons. Afterwards, we had our date, which went good. We had fun, but I still noticed that I don't have a lot to say to her.
Maybe it's because we've known eachother for so long, that there isn't much to say to eachother that we don't already know. Maybe it's because I'm still apprehensive about WHAT to say to her and how it's going to affect us. We went home and spent some time watching tv. She laid down on "my" couch and laid her head in my lap, which felt good (not in THAT way!!!). She has been resistant to intimate touching, so I thought that was a good thing. We hugged and kissed before I left...nothing earth shattering or fireworks, but it was better than kissing a lampshade, which was what it was like before I left. It's progress, I suppose, but we are a long way from re-igniting that spark in our marriage.
And that's okay. I think we should be taking this slow and not rushing it. That was part of my issue before is that I would get frustrated and impatient when she wouldn't respond the way I thought she should respond. This way, I go home, I don't have to obsess over it. She has an individual appointment with the marriage counselor this week, hopefully, she'll remember and go. I feel that there is still hope.