I was recently reading some of the debates over at Helium.com, when I came across a really interesting article in which the author proclaimed that cyber "sex" does not constitute cheating because there was no actual touching. This interested me because, well, I can name about a hundred women (and probably a few men too) who would strongly disagree. But then I thought about it: cyber "sex," phone "sex," & all the crazy makeshift whoopie in between - what REALLY constitutes infidelity?
In high school, I knew a guy who was dating one of my friends, who swore that if there was no intercourse involved, then there was no cheating, which (conveniently for him), left about three bases to travel past on the proverbial baseball diamond of messin' around. The funny thing is, he changed his tune when his girlfriend had some not-sex with some guy on the football team. Double standard much?
Here's the deal: there are a gazillion kinds of cheating, from kissing to sex, to lots of sex, to phone sex to cyber sex to EMOTIONAL cheating (which can be the worst kind). The question of what constitutes cheating is something that only you and your partner can answer, & hopefully find some common ground on.
I saw a couple (a seemingly lovely husband and wife) on a show on VH1 (it may have been the E! channel; I don't remember) about swinging. They were like the epitome of the normal standard nuclear family. A husband, wife, two kids, even a friggin' dog. But twice a month, when nobody was looking & the kids were asleep, they'd go swing with other married couples. They were both okay with it, so it didn't constitute as cheating. Then, the husband started to get possessive of his wife; he didn't want guys to sleep with her. He told her that he'd give up swinging so that they could be together - just for each other. She said okay, but didn't really seem to want to give up her twice-a-month sex sessions with a married guy named Vick. But she did. For about three months. The husband was furious. "I can't believe you cheated on me!" he yelled. I thought it was hilarious. For months (may have even been years) he was having regular sex with a married girl in her twenties, but that wasn't cheating because it was unanimously agreed as "OK" behavior. Once he changed his mind, his wife was a cheater.
I don't remember what happened to them at the end, I think she gave up Vick for good (or so she said) but I just think it's funny how something very serious could be "OK" if the people in the relationship say so, while something seemingly innocent could throw a whole relationship asunder, simply because one person feels betrayed. In other words: you and your partner must determine what cheating is, and what it isn't. And watch out for double-standards! What's good for the goose is good for the gander. And apparently, Vick.