I have not posted in a few days. I feel like I have been working not stop. Now that the kids are gone to their dads and I actually have time to myself, the overwhelming sense that I am a wounded soul is still ever present.
I feel like crap and it is really starting to get old and bothersome. I feel like I have been reduced to a bitchy ex wife. I know that I have very right to feel this angry and the whole situation, but how much more I can take, I do not know. Some days are so bad that I want to stop the world and get off and other days are just great. Today is a stop the world day.
Too much to do in the house and the overwhelming sense to crawl back in bed and pull the covers up over my head is great. I may just do that today. I am having a "poor me" day.
I realize that I have spent 1/2 my life with someone and now that person couldn't give a rats ass about anything but himself. How is this possible? I am still trying to figure that one out. How do you go from I love you to I can not stand to even look at you let alone speak to you.
Hate is a powerful thing. I never imagined that I could loath someone as much I a loath my stbxh. Love to loath, wow....
I look back and realize now that I have wasted a lot of years and time with someone who is so undeserving of my love that I beat myself up for that, crazy eh! What am I thinking, are we all so co-dependant for someone that it drives us into depression and guilt.
Today is not a good day...Lord I hope this weekend gets better.