Before I go much further into my spate of blog postings, I
want to pause for a moment of reflection. I’ve been a member of the D360
community since January, having been invited here by a staffer who saw examples
of my writing on another site.
At the time I was spending a lot of time examining myself,
my values and my morals. I was trying to find my way in the world as a single
woman who was tired of compromising herself to placate others. I have never
pretended to be a saint, but I try very hard to be an example to others.
Entering the dating world after 14 years of couplehood was daunting.
I vacillated frequently between sequestering myself away
into a hermit-like existence to engaging the world as a social butterfly in
hopes of meeting a mate. It was an internal conflict worthy of gloves and a
squared circle. And it was a conflict I shared openly online through
journaling.
When the invitation to join the D360 community arrived, I
had to think it over. I was flattered that someone thought I had anything
worthwhile to say. Beyond that, I thought it would be fun to write on a
personal topic for a larger community. Once I decided the concept was something
that interested me, I then pondered how I would approach my blog on here.
The rules I was given were simple: My postings had to be
real, and they had to deal with my divorce. Talk about a broad brush to paint
with.
A trained writer, I scoped out the community and looked for
a niche to fill. At the time, there were a host of blogs written by those who’d
been wronged, those really struggling with the single life and those still
entrenched in their bitterness. There were also contributors who have made a
living out of the subject of divorce. There were a lot of members who were
older than me, had children.
I found myself different than the average person here in
more ways than one: I was young, I had no children, I was the one who initiated
my divorce and I had no regrets. What also made me different was the focus I
had on faith at that time.
So in determining how to treat my blog, I decided to
separate myself from the others by focusing on the positives surrounding my
divorce. Don’t get me wrong. I can be snarky and bitter, and many of my posts
show that side of me – it’s fun to vacation in a bad mood now and then. But as
a rule, I’ve spent a majority of my time here focused on the blessings my
divorce has brought into my life.
I have spent a lot of time examining my marriage – both from
the perspective of how I was wronged and how I was wrong – and my divorce.
Along the way, I’ve learned a lot about myself and my fellow travelers on this
journey. I have learned that not everyone likes to look at the glass as half
full but that’s what suits me.
Ultimately, my goal has been to show readers that there is
life after divorce. That sometimes, what feels like the worst possible curse
can actually turn out to be God’s greatest blessing. Life as we know it is the
result of a series of small decisions we’ve made. My decisions will not be the
same as yours, and that’s why our lives will not mirror one another’s. But I
hope we can learn from each other.
If I leave this community with any legacy at all, I hope it’s
that divorce will not kill you and does not have to make you bitter. It can,
actually, make you better – if you allow it.