Deciding - That word, or more accurately, the word "Decision" gives me the shudders! After 31 years, how could my husband inform me with an email that he had made the decision to end our marriage? On June 10, 2008 my world changed forever. The word, divorce, was not in my vocabuary and my husband, while not perfect, was my partner for life - or so I believed with my whole being. I thought divorce was for other people and I was so secure that my husband was happy with our life together.
I am a 55 year old innocent ....naive & too trusting you may think. Yes, I am all those things. I have been in this state for a little more than two months. What is bothering me the most is that I wasn't aware of anything being seriously wrong. We were in transition - planning for our future I thought. Two sons who are adults - one getting married in several weeks and one just starting a full-time job. Both are living at home and the son who is getting married will be living with his wife in the apartment in our two-family home. What was supposed to be one of the happiest times of our lives has now become a nightmare for me. I am a teacher and home for the summer, so I have had nothing but time to think about all this and I have come to so many conclusions about what has happened. I want to talk to my husband about it all, but he is unwilling or unable to do that yet. I have to decide on the best approach and I wonder if saying to him that I understand that he feels his decision is the one he needs to follow but that I also need to talk about it just from the standpoint of me getting healed might help to open that door. I have known him for so long - and he is so misguided right now - but he has some caring still - I feel that. He is just annoyed with the whole situation - he wants it all to go away so that he doesn't feel guilty about this - I have no doubt about that. He wants to enjoy his retirement and right now he has no place for me in his new life. I cannot be alright with this until he is able to listen and understand my side of this story.