Not too much going on here, kids ate breakfast and now are upstairs playing BRATZ. LMAO even "the boy" is playing. He never wsa one to be left out of the fun. He just likes the remote control convertable that plays music and the scooter. Well, he does also like to rip the feet off the dolls.
Talked to hubby last night for a bit. We know where eachother stands in this mess but..... I dont know if he has the stomach to do all that needs to be done to fix it. But.....I havent heard from him since and I wont get my hope up to either. I still think this would have been much easier if we had a crappy relationship. Maybe someday the memories of the marriage wont stab me in the heart. And the memories of our demise will be no more than an after thought with out tears.
I know we will be ok and we will land on our feet no matter what this out come is. Maybe it is the shock of it all and knowing this is not what either of us wants is what hurts the most. Pride is a real bitch! Pride will always fuck you over in the end. Thats why I am glad I swallowed mine long ago. I ate it before it ate me.
My therapist double booked so I opted to reschedule. I think I want another one any ways. There is only so much ACCOUNTABILITY that can be looked at. I have seen it and taken mine and placed blame where it neede placed. But I want to fix me. I dont want to be angry and placing blame on life. I just want to find an inner peace I had in my marriage but I want to still have it now, when I dont have my marriage. I need to find my iner peace and happiness with in myself. I know that much. all is is a big puddle of confusion and all that fun crap.
I am going to do a few things for now. I may get back on later. That is another thing I am shooting for. Less computer time. I spend alot of time on here. I think I need to get a life and stop avoiding people as well. I not only avoid people in my life but I have found myself avoiding people on line too. I did it, I have finally hit rock bottom and now I can pull myself up and move on.
I see I have become a better person for who my marriage turned me into. I have loved whole heartedly and trusted all I have. Thats my kids, my health, my happiness, myheart and money and life. I dont regret that. Only the fact that it ended. I have placed to much faith when I should have kept some of it in me.
Have a good day guys!! Take care