I was reading some comments that got into the discussion of movies, and even though I didn't post a comment in turn, I thought long and hard about some of my favorite movies and just how powerful some movies can be to each person. I certainly will not list all of my top movies, just because the list is too darn long, but there was one or two in particular that hits as probably one of my all-time favorites and it actually relates to my relationship with my STBX.
Before I get onto those movies, I just have to say that The Princess Bride is one of the BEST movies ever! I have it basically memorized and I still love watching it! Oh, and When Harry Met Sally is a good movie, but since it seems to be classed as a "chick flick" a lot of men seem to miss the great male humor and side of a relationship shown. Rob Reiner does a good job of putting the male perspective in there too (and trivia here - the gal in the deli that says the famous "I'll have what she's having", that's Rob Reiner's mom!).
The 1st movie that is painful for me to watch because it reminds me of my marriage in many ways is "The Story of Us" with Michelle Pfiefer and Bruce Willis (some will say they hated it, and that's cool, not everyone likes the same movies, even critics disagree on what's a good movie and what's not). There is so much that is like my situation in that movie (and honestly, I think it is more realistic than some other movies about relationships), but the seriously strange part is that when I first saw the movie back in like 2000 or 2001 (I think - I know it was quite a while ago and the movie was made in 1999), I watched it with my STBX, and we both agreed that it sounded just like us.
Now, isn't that sad that 7 or 8 years ago my STBX said it sounded just like us, but nothing ever got better and we never went and saw a counselor together, even if nothing else but to be distracted by a birthmark shaped like the state of California. I look at how long ago it was that we watched the movie and I know without a doubt that I have been trying to fix the marriage for a hell of a long time and didn't give up until recently.
A long time of reflecting on that movie saying, "wow, that sounds just like us, except our marriage isn't 15 years into the process!" and trying to find every way that we could over come that. Trying to fix 15 year marriage battles in less than 5...and then finally tiring after those same battles went on and on and on for the next 5...Maybe I finally gave up because it exhausted me just too much...
Then onto one of my all time favorite movies, which has got to be "What Dreams May Come" with Robin Williams. This one hits so hard with me because it is the complete opposite of what is "real" in a relationship...or is it?
I have a strong belief in "soul mates" and on many different levels, as I have a couple of friends that are "soul mates" or "kindred spirits", both male and female, I had a strong hope and feeling that my STBX and I were soul mates as well, which this movie played so much into that theory, along with what happens after death, that I can't shake many images of that movie from my brain.
If there really is a thing as soul mates like the movie depicts, I fully immersed myself into believing that my STBX and I were, which is why me deciding on a divorce was so difficult for me. I can remember the scene where Robin Williams visits his wife in a mental hospital and gives her an ultimatum about divorce. It was a day for a decision about divorce...the "Double D-Day" of their lives. He was in so much pain and said that no matter how much he loved her and tried to support her, she was in a place he couldn't reach and it tore him apart to see her away from him like she was. He couldn't be in her Hell with her and it hurt him so much that he felt that a divorce was the only way to help the situation.
Of course, they ended up not divorced, and the story that played out was that they were true soul mates, so he goes through actual Hell for her and when he gets the chance, he falls into Hell with her...
It's something that I've always dreamed of...that notion of true soul mates like that.
And yet, in a way, I think I had that...or at least a part of it, in some ways.
2 years ago on our wedding anniversary, my STBX and I exchanged cards, as normal, but when I opened the one he gave me, I busted up laughing so hard I had tears streaming down my face. My STBX asked me what was so funny...
I told him to look at his card, so he opened the envelope and literally his eyes got as big as saucers and he started laughing right along with me.
Turns out we bought each other the EXACT same card!!!
Now, how in the world does THAT happen, especially when I can almost guarantee that we didn't even get them at the same store!
There are plenty of other instances where this soul mate feeling comes from, but I feel it strongly, and yet the doubt comes in when scenes from "What Dreams May Come" flash in my mind.
If he really was my soul mate, then why won't he fight for me the way the movie depicted? Why, when I give a Divorce option, is my soul mate willing to just avoid it after saying that he doesn't want divorce? Why won't he work as hard as the loving couple in the movie?
I know, it's just a movie, but it is a powerful movie for those that believe in the soul mate theory. I know it's a powerful movie when every time my STBX sees it, he cries with true emotion.
I still believe in soul mates, but maybe my STBX is not my soul mate in the way I originally thought...
Or maybe, just maybe, he will finally fight his way through Hell to find me and we will be in our Heaven together again...
I still hope...I really do...