My wife has steadfastly denied infidelity as a reason for our marriage dissolving. I have always had every reason to believe her, I know she has been faithful all this time.
Today something happened that shook that belief. I have never been given a straight answer as to why she wants out of our marriage. She says she wants a kid, I had no problem with that. She wants to start going to church, yet again, no problem. Wants to move to Chicago for her job, again, no problem. Problem is she hasn't taken the time out of her busy work schedule to pursue those aspirations, except moving, but she wants to blame me for all these dreams that she hasn't fulfilled.
Anyway, I was at our house today, it just went up for sale so I needed to take care of some things. I had never been suspicious of my wife cheating on me in the past, but since she said she wants a divorce, and considering the reasons don't add up, I've been a little skeptical, unfortunately. I've always trusted my wife, she is a very good person, with a great moral compass, but today I thought that may have changed.
A few days ago I peeked in to her phone (I'm not proud) and I saw a male coworker had texted her that he was online, it was 10:30pm. I confronted her and she said she talks to a lot of coworkers through IM, both male and female, and it's a support group because they all travel a lot and it helps keep them grounded. I know about this guy, and I know she has no interest in him, but it still got me wondering why I had never heard about all this IM stuff before.
Anyway, today while she was taking a shower I peeked in to her briefcase (yet again, another not so shining moment of mine) and I came across 2 cards from a male coworker, different guy. One card was a musical birthday card, the other was a sappy card that proclaimed his love for my wife. He even wrote on the inside that he was sorry he missed her first 32 birthdays but vowed to never miss another one and sent his love. I confronted her when she got out of the bathroom and I asked her if she was screwing this guy. She has adamantly refused any sexual relationship with him, and she was not going to be a home wrecker. She told me she told the guy he needed to go to counseling to try and save his marriage for the sake of his child. This guy has a pattern of hitting on my wife in the past. Right after she took this traveling position she showed me an e-mail he sent her and asked me if I thought it was inappropriate the way he was talking to her. It was nothing really over-the-top, but again, not something you tell a coworker. He had only met my wife once, maybe twice at that point, and she was concerned with the e-mail he sent. I told her to save it in case it continued so she would have evidence if it got worse, she agreed. Well, she claims she doesn't love this guy, or is sending this guy the same messages he's sending her, but I do know they talk quite a bit on the phone and have become pretty good friends I guess. She said he's a really great guy with a lot of qualities she is looking for in a person (all the same qualities that I am, go figure). I asked my wife if he made any comments about her pending divorce, she said yes, he told her to try and work it out, how noble.
I don't know what to think anymore. I've never had a reason to suspect infidelity. She said she wanted to tell me about the cards when she told me she wanted a divorce but she didn't want me to think that it was a reason for the divorce, she says it's not. She says she needs some time alone to figure out what she wants in life that's going to make her happy. She has completely let her career consume her life and she has no room for me in it right now. She says she's going to get some counseling, and talk to someone about it next week. I understand what she's going through, I've actually been there before as well, but I didn't leave, I stayed in the marriage and fixed my unhappiness. I have told her I just want her to be happy, that's all I've ever wanted and I would give her that space she needs to figure it all out. She says she hasn't closed her heart to me and that she hasn't ruled out reconciliation some day, but she told me not to wait on her, it's not fair to me. I agree, I can't wait forever hoping she'll come to her senses. It just hurts me more than anything that the person you care for the most in this world could be cheating on you, I don't want to believe she is...
We are still getting along well, I'm even going to dinner with her tonight, her idea. She told me today she loves me very much and we hugged and kissed almost as if we weren't getting divorced. I went in the garage to put something in my car and she came running in to the garage making sure I wasn't leaving without saying good-bye. She is completely confusing me with her actions, and words. I don't really know what to think anymore.