Well, here I am again! I went to bed and felt OK I fell asleep for a bit and then I woke up with this overpowering need to not be alone. I just don't know if this will ever end. God I hate this feeling! My good friend tells me I'm just wallowing and this is really what I want so I'll have something to complain about. How in the hell could I want something like this? It hurts. It makes me tired. It isn't ever fun. Damn I feel so lost and alone tonight! Then I think, I'm almost 50! Not much time left and what time I have is zooming by! I'll be on my death bed before I know what hit me and if I miss out on much more I don't know what I will do. I'm so tired of missing out on the really good things in life. It will be next year before I can even begin to think about finding someone. Oh god! How on earth am I going to get by until then? Even then, will I ever find someone? As I already know, there are no guarantees! Oh damn I wish I could just go to sleep and forget about this! What in the hell did I do to deserve this? Hey it shouldn't bother me that it has been years since I've had sex. I don't need sex anyway. I want sex and I can exhist without it! I don't need to be held and to hold someone. I just want to. I need to tough it up and not be bothered by what I can't have. It's going to be a year or more if ever so I guess I better find a way to get over it! I need to enjoy life without love and passion and sex and laughter and whatever else people in love do!
OK wallowing rant over. I don't feel one bit better bit at least I wasted a good half hour or so. Maybe I'll get exhausted in another 3 or 4 hours and fall asleep!