Well - I have officially been on my own for a week LOL! It seems a bit awkward to say, since I moved out of my parents' home when I was 17, and here I am 10 years later, being able to say I made it a week on my own - for the first time in my life...
Kinda neat, actually - check it out. I have paid the bills - on time. I have been balancing my checkbook to make sure I know what money I have, and insure there is enough to pay bills that I know are coming. I put all the utilities in my name, changed the cell plan, changed benefit info at work, have been doing the laundry, cooking, dishes, (not so much cleaning lol!), re-upholstered my nasty-ass pink auction-purchased dining-room chairs, bought a new (to me) car and took care of all the paperwork with that, AND I had Andy all week! WHEW!!!
I even bought a new toaster, clothes iron, hangers, toothpicks, groceries (twice now), the fabric (BARGAIN!) for my chairs, and have made TWO trips to my lawyers office, and done all the paperwork I've needed to do with them (one trip not related to the divorce, the other for a consult on my answer to the complaint - Kris and I aren't using lawyers - thank God. One more difficulty and expense neither of us needs since we are agreeing on everything...).
HOLY SHIT!!! I didn't feel like I accomplished much until I sat down to write my journal! I even sanded the drywall in the new bathroom a little bit... Amazing the possibilities when you only sleep 3-4 hours a day...
I - of course - am still not doing so well with the separation. I have another counseling appointment Wednesday, so hopefully I will do better after that. That dude (my counselor/therapist/shrink) is awesome. Down to earth, and can just sit there and make you feel like you're a couple buddies just shootin the shit - but you learn a ton from him at the same time. I know I will be OK no matter what happens - the hardest time I am having right now is that I have hope and know that things could work if the opportunity was given - but that's not my call - and I understand (honestly) if I don't get that chance. But that doesn't mean I still don't want to do whatever I can.
I'm still working on me (counseling, AA, getting shit done around here...). Another reason I know I'll be OK regardless of the outcome - I am really starting to like myself a lot more since I haven't been drinking, and decided to change a few other things about myself. And I know if I can honestly be happy with myself (I never really have been too happy with who I am) - I know someone else can like me too. If it's not Kris - I am sure someone else will show up at my doorstep at some point in time. Literally - that's about what will need to happen - I got too much stuff going on for the next few years to worry about spending time finding a girlfriend LOL!!! And at this point, and for quite some time to come, I have no interest in looking either - I know exactly who I want - and I'm not giving up on that hope unless I have to. Just as she has her right to feel the way she feels - so do I - and nobody can or should try to take that away from me.
That came out more long-winded than I intended. Seems to be a pattern with me...
In that regard - pretty soon I plan to shelve this avenue of writing therapy, and in turn focus on drafting a novel. Not sure it'll be any good - or that I'll ever finish it - but I was told that I should try it due to my perceived writing abilities. Eh - we'll see.
With that, I think I'll call it a night. Here's wishing everyone a great week - and I'd like to write a short, and hopefully meaningful classic tale translation...
The belief has always been that at the end of every rainbow is a pot of gold, guarded by an angry Leprechaun. My translation of this story is that our days on earth are filled with many different colors of emotions, relationships, and experiences (rainbow). Learning to successfully navigate to the end of that rainbow doesn't come without challenges (Leprechaun). However if you can manage to remain stronger than those who challenge your quest - true happiness is yours to be had (pot of gold). Each person has to find their own way to their own treasure - we have no "GPS of life". Sometimes we bump into obstacles - quite often, we even do it more than once. The difference between the pot of gold story and life is this: we are guaranteed in life to find the end of the rainbow. If you can avoid bumping into too many obstacles in your journey - the pot of gold will surely be waiting for you.
Mike
PS - as of Friday, this is the longest I've gone without drinking since I was 19. As mentioned before - no gigantic deal since I've decided I have had enough of drinking, but it is a cool little milestone...