psych consults 

Thank you Ken, those are very insightful questions to ask.I had made a list of things that were important to me such as liking classical music, etc. but knowing if a person is willing to go to counseling is very important. I'm taking a relationship class right now through church and the pastor said that all the weddings he officiates at, he tells the bride and groom that if either feel there are issues that need counseling, they have to commit to going for each other. Wish he had officiated at my marriage!!

The 5 Questions to Ask a Potential Mate are:
1. Are you employed or do you have some means to support yourself financially? Unless you want to become someone's sole support this is very important. Don't be shy about asking. It's a legitimate question.
2. Do you have a sense of humor that I can relate to? If you think Woody Allen is hysterical and the person you meet thinks he's stupid and not funny, you may have very different notions of what's funny. Just one example, but you can develop your own litmus test for a sense of humor.
3. Do you have a spiritual practice I can relate to? Or, if I don't have any spiritual practice, is yours going to become problematic because it has everything to do with how someone lives and relate to the world? An atheist and an evangelical aren't going to fare well, and while this is an extreme example, it does seem to work this way.
4. Have you ever been in therapy or been in any group that worked on its member's issues? People either have some curiosity about who they are and why they behave as they do or they don't have any curiosity. If they do it is likely they will be open to discussing your relationship in terms that they learned working through their issues in therapy or a group. This isn't a skill men and women can teach one another in a relationship. Each person has to come to the relationship a whole human being in every sense..
5. Do you have any same sex friends? A man who is a loner is going to become your problem since you are the only person he can relate to. You will become his entire social world and that's a heavy burden to saddle yourself with. People don't get into relationships to get saved because no one can save anyone else. They have to be willing to do the necessary work.While this applies to women as well, there are far more men who are loners than women. For men, being alone means that issues like male anger are never going to be resolved and will simply become your problem to deal with.
Ken Solin