I found these quotes dealing with abusive relationships and I was flat out amazed at just how often these had been said in my marriage (both by him and by me). There are plenty of others I found, others that I have written/posted in my journal/blog, but these just seemed powerful and I haven't written these down before, even though word for word in most instances, it was what was said...
~You don't know what you mean
~That's not the way you feel. It's stupid to feel that way.
~I can't help it that people are not the way I feel they should be
~If it doesnt benefit me then I'm not going to do it.
~You don't know who you're dealing with.
~If you had brains you'd be dangerous. (only he says it was a joke)
~You are entitled to your opinion. (I've said it too - sometimes it does have to be said)
~I'm sorry but... (I've said it too - just look at a few posts ago, I even admitted it)
~I wouldn't have thought of it if it wasn't a good idea!
~I am/this is me and if you don't like it too bad.
~I test you to see if you will put up with my crap/not bring up issues/can keep your mouth shut/etc.
~I am doing my best. (When I don't feel that he has put effort into our relationship emotionally)
~If you want to feel that way/believe your reality/believe that, go ahead. (after he has said something hurtful/rude/nasty and I told him so)
~You are too picky/negative/whiny/etc (put whatever bad quality you want)
~You are acting like/being a bitch (but as he reminds me, he wasn't attacking me and is only stating I am acting like one)
~You made me mad/you are pushing my buttons
~(example - this exact thing did not happen, but oh, so close that it hit me hard that I've had this happen to me, just the actual physical situation was different)
Him: "My back is killing me!"
Me: "I'm sorry, honey... can I rub it for you?"
Him: "Don't say, 'I'm sorry'! Stop treating me like a two year old!"
Next day...
Him: "My back is killing me!"
Me: "Oh."
Him: "You don't even care, do you? You can't even offer to rub it for me??"
~Me: "You haven't said 'I love you'/acted close to me in X months. Can we talk about what's going on?
Him: "You women are all the same... you have a relationship with a good man and you want to take a crowbar to it and drive a wedge between us by talking about it all the time. All you ever want to do is over analyze!"
~You know not to back me into a corner (When he was expected to take responsibility for his actions.)
~Quit nagging me. (Whether it was only hours after he said he would do something, or a week after)
~I'm doing everything I can. I'm doing everything possible and you just aren't happy with anything. Nothing I do can please you. You expect too much from me and everyone else.
~You are not happy with ANYTHING and I can't do ANYTHING right in your eyes (even when I protest otherwise and offer praise).
~You pushed me away.
~You don't make me feel welcomed in your life.
~You have no right to question me - I know what I'm talking about - not you.
~You make feel like a piece of shit. (I've used this one too, though not as often when it comes to discussing what I am actually doing wrong in the relationship or hindering helping)
~Stop acting like a bitch.
~Why are you acting like an psycho/bitch?
~I'm trying to change, maybe you haven't noticed or you just don't care because you've already given up.
~Stop talking to me like I'm a little kid.
~There wouldn't be any problems if you'd would just shut up and be the girl/leave me alone/etc.
~We’ll get there one day – you just need to give me time and not give up on me. (after how many years of pleading/talking/asking/etc.)
~You’ll find I wasn’t such a bad person later.
~Only a psycho/someone living in the past/etc. stays in touch with old friends/ex's/etc. (as well as) someone too controlling has grown kids who like to call and talk to them on the phone for more than 20 minutes.
~Nobody will ever love you as much as I do. (I've said this one - not to intentionally be mean, but I've said it, I admit it...)
~I'm real. I tell it like it is. Sorry if you can't handle the truth because the truth does hurt sometimes.
~You made me do it.
~I've apologized. Why can't you just get over it?" (regarding physically assaulting me)
~YOU should go to therapy. (when I asked for both of us to go to counseling many times throughout the years)
~That was in the past! You always bring up the past. (This applies to 2 dyas ago, last week as well as three years ago.)
~I can get better if you'll just help me/stop being so sensitive/making me pay for other's mistakes/etc.
~You are only feeling hurt because you want to feel hurt.
~I haven't been mean to you in a long time. (a long time - meaning 2 days or even 2 weeks or more)
~It's too bad that you have so many problems that you need to go see 'those idiots' for help but I don't need help - they're just a bunch of quacks anyway (add other reasons why he doesn't like counselors or help)
~If you'd just 'be cool' (or other such term) and accept me for who I am, we'd be fine.
~I didn’t lie. I didn't tell you about it, but I didn't lie.
~You will NOT do that to me again.
~I can heal/handle my anger/etc. myself.
~I think about everything I say with much deliberation so I mean what I say. (but, if he says something in an argument, he didn't really mean it, and if it was a very sarcastic and rude comment, I'm told that he was joking - among other things...this one just confuses me way too much)
~I treat you this way because I can.
~You just seem to want/expect/need more from this than I do.
~I am devoid of emotions most days.
~No, that's not how you feel. Let me tell you how you feel by exactly what it was you said.
~So what? Deal with it. (too many things go into this one, so I'm not gonna go there yet...)
~I don't need or want to hear it. Talking only makes you feel better.
~The woman I married is the person I have seen the past week, giving me hugs/attention/sex, giving me compliments/not complaining, helping make my life easier or better. (looking for someone to simply take care of him?)
~I have to think about things a lot before I will do anything or even say anything, especially about emotions.
~See - this is what I am talking about - all these things you say - I don't know what you are talking about.
~Your being silly... (usually meant he was done talking because it was too emotional or he was wrong and could not admit it)
~Your being ridiculous... (see above)
~I'm not on trial here...(see above)
~You make me want to be a better man (yet never wanted to do anything about it and then say I was the one that needed to change/fix my faults/do what he wanted/etc. )
~Our marriage should continue for the sake of the children since children are ruined if they come from divorce. It creates real problems with kids... (of course, I am a child of divorce, so somehow it is REALLY hard not to take that one personally as some sort of sly attack on me. Sure, marriage is great for kids, but is that why he has/is emotionally/physically abused our children betraying their trust and destroying any happy memories?)
~I thought we were best friends and intellectual partners, and I've always loved you. (I've asked him if he was my best friend and intellectual partner and had always loved me, then why does he loathe any deep discussions with me and not actually open up to me about anything other than topical things?).
~Maaaaaaaaaybe. What's in it for me? (His response to anything I asked him to do for me or with me, or his reply if I foolishly asked, for affection) Translation seemed to be: "Hell, no. And even if I did want to do that thing, I won't do it now... just because you asked! (His way of "training" me never to ask for anything, especially affection).
~REAL-ly. (Not a question. Said with a mixture of sarcasm and disbelief about any information I volunteered about my life, or any comment I made in response to something he had said to me).Translation seemed to be: "I think you are making that up. But even if it's true, it is dull and boring and doesn't have a thing to do with ME or what I was saying... so why don't you just keep your mouth shut next time?"
~I'm not a bully - this is how to be a strict parent and is normal (but he has said he wasn't a bully to me before as well and then said I was)
~I'm not a dictator/drill sergeant – this is how people really do behave normally.
~I'm not the monster you make me out to be.
~If you hadn't opened the window/shut your mouth/anything I didn’t want you to, I wouldn't have hit you.
~If you knew how stop bitching at me/do the list of things I say/want you to do, I would enjoy your company more.
~You brought it all on yourself. (too tough for me to really comment on but one I have really THOUGHT about saying to him)
~(Something similar, not exactly...) After I said one day that I could not wear those short short shirts to expose my strechmarks after pregnancies he said: "Yeah, why would you want to show that ugly thing" and then said he was just joking and that I needed to lighten up.
~I've always been there for you. You've just never seen it or want to see it. (Yeah, I've used it too when he says I gave up on him and our marriage, etc.)
~You may not think that I am worth another chance but I think WE are.
~Just love me with all my faults.
~I wish you would just get it through your head that I can't change the past, so just get over it. (referring to the physical and emotional violence)
~You always nag (as he criticized most things I said/did - constructively, of course, as he says)
~I never abused you!
~If you have to ask, then you never knew and you never will.
~I'm a total jerk/other self depreciating comment, but I hope you know I love you and hope that you still you love me...(and I used to say 'you're not, you're a nice guy deep down, you've just made some mistakes in your time...')
~Honestly, you need to help me, I really can't see what my 'bad points' are...or when I'm doing them, so I need you to point it out to me. (sticky one that gets more arguments than it has ever helped - most times he resents me stepping in...)
~If you will just have faith in me for a little while longer... (When will I know when time's up?)
~If I do what you want you will just ask for something else.
~You don't understand that I actually am holding back from raising my voice at you every time you annoy me.
~My comments should just be water off a ducks back to you like other normal people, but it doesn’t...you want to fight back.
~I dont deal with emotions. I deal with facts.
~Emotions are like light switches -- on and off.
~You have too many emotions. Emotions were a waste of time to think about and deal with. (I was told to get over it. He doesn't seem to feel emotions & dealt with it in other ways)
~Here we go again... I am just not in the mood. I am an adult that does not need to be nagged and whined at. (when trying to deal with/discuss my 'perceived' problems with the relationship)
~You need a psychiatrist.
~I am only teasing you to help you. To desensitize you. Your buttons wouldn't be so easy to push if you weren't so sensitive. Remember, sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me...
~I'm sorry for the way I've been the last couple of days. It's not only me…(I've said this one too...)
~If you don't get away from me/shut up, I will make you shut up/leave me alone. Don’t MAKE me do that.
~I hope you can get some help with your self-esteem, constant unhappiness, and hyper sensitivity issues. If you do not, you will likely ruin our children’s chances for a normal adulthood.
~You are too emotional, go see a therapist and get better and then the marriage will be fine, since it's only you that has problems and is creating them.
~I will always be here for you and will always listen to you. (at first)
~When I said I would marry you I didn't mean I would take on your burdens and problems (over the years - because I was complaining/bitching/pessimisstic/etc.)
~Most people see the glass full or the glass empty. I just see the glass. Your perception is not reality.
~After 9 months of counseling, I still see no results in you and things are actually worse now than when before.
~I don't understand why you get so upset and don't want to understand. You really need to work on controlling your emotions.
~You don't understand. How many times do I have to tell you? How many times do I have to repeat myself? You are standing there babbling and you are not making any sense whatsoever.
~A, A, A (my name). Always playing the victim/martyr, aren't you?
~I never said that! PROVE IT!
~Please leave all of your problems outside of our family or house. Do not bring them into the house. My house is supposed to be peaceful and my refuge. You are ruining mine.
~I do not want to talk about the relationship. I have to play a computer game/work on the basement/other project or he would turn up the volume on the TV.
~Wa wa wa.......poor baby. Get ahold of yourself. Get a life.
~You are disgusting. You're mentally ill. You need help. Do you need medication?
~I never hurt you bad enough to put you in the hospital.
~Our son isn't really autistic. You just want the attention. (just an example since our son is NOT autistic, though he has said something very similar...)