I was having a conversation with my 10 year old daughter this evening about how she would feel if I eventually remarried. I was surprised to find out that she feels very negative about me being in a serious relationship. I have been divorced now for over 3 years and had thought she would be okay with it by now.
I have been in a relationship for awhile now but it is not with someone I will marry or live with in the future. She seems to like this man, but told me that is because he is not a daily part of our lives.
I think my daughter is wrestling with a few issues. She feels like she would be betraying her dad by allowing herself to accept another man in a fatherly role. I also think she does not want me to give attention to someone else, fearing she would get less. Ironically, she has no problem with her father having a girlfriend.
I am grateful that we had this conversation because I did not realize she felt so strongly. I think it is very important to keep the lines of communication open with your children and let them express themselves and their opinions after a divorce. That is not to say that I will not remarry or have a serious relationship in the future.
What I explained to her is that it is important to give people a chance. Right now this hypothetical man is not a real person who is in our lives. I told her when and if that time comes, we can take it slowly, one step at a time and maybe she will feel more positively about the subject if I met someone she actually liked and enjoyed spending time with. What I learned tonight is that I can't presume to know what my kids are feeling, I need to ask them and open up a dialogue so that we can work out any issues before they become problems.