how not to feel guilty 

That's a toughie melissa, feeling like you have to be the thermostat for everyone in your home.  One of the things my therapist keeps reminding me is that we have to work on our selves for us, nobody else.  I used to start and end my day based on how my wife was acting or behaving, and that is putting her in complete control.  And especially confusing since she rarely talks about her feelings, I'd only have facial expressions or body language to go from.

What you can learn to do is focus on you first.  It sounds selfish I know.  The more aware you are of your own feelings about your situation, what its like for you when you feel the way you do, the more aware of others you will become.

I had to have many long conversation with my wife about this in order to get anywhere, but it has helped me be a happier person. 

Its tough deciding to leave when you love the kids and the home and even the spouse to some degree.  Just remember that your relationship with everyone will change some if you go, but the marriage isn't about the kids, it's about your love and commitment to the man.  If that's not there now like it should be, be honest with the guy.  Counseling can help, but don't depend on anyone or anything but yourself to rediscover your love and passion.  If its not there, I'm not sure it can be manufactured.  If it is there and just covered in dust and dirt, get out your srub brush and ask for help cleaning it off.

God bless!

2CD

Oh god, I could just be reading my own journal entry. Do you know where you're going to stay when you leave? How will finances pan out for you? This is all the shit I can't get my head around. Things are so strained here and I know our kids and his family will all be devastated.But like you said the other day, a loveless marriage will impact worse on the kids in the long run. I think we just have to bit the bullet and do it . Ride with the guilt as it will ease over time. Just keep reminding yourself that you ARE doing the r ight thing.