As you all know my stbx and I have an interesting kind of thing going on where he's reasonable one second and an asshole the next.... So, after asking him to take the kids last Thursday so I could sleep and he said no I decided to make an appointment with a therapist. Maybe this man could help me sleep. He didn't but that's not the point. The point (or points) are that :
1. He asked me why on earth I would expect of my stbx anything more than exactly what I left him for? Meaning, he didn't help me then why expect him to (and then get mad because he doesn't) help me now? Hmmm... excellent point! So glad I'm paying for this.... (kidding).
2. And this one I was happy to pay him to hear: He doesn't think I should talk to my stbx anymore. PERIOD. He says I'll sleep much better. Yay!!!!! Finally, someone giving me permission to ignore him! Thank you, thank you, thank you! Here's twice your fee, see you in a week!
Soooo.... when stbx brought the kids home on Sunday I tell him this. First he seems puzzled that I have a therapist but then some strange look comes over his face... I can't even explain it. What I can tell you is that since then I have gotten emails and text messages with comments indicative of sincere remorse and care. Trust me, I'm not stupid, I know him like a book, I can tell the difference. The idea that someone (and a therapist no less) told me it was ok to just not talk to him scared him to death. I'm sorry he's scared but I'm relieved for myself.
Obviously I can't ignore him completely as we have children together and have to plan things but I am happy to report that all this will be kept to a minimum and I will no longer feel guilty about it. Who knew all it would take was a little permission?