Search our site
divorce360.com provides help, advice and community for people
contemplating, going through or recovering from divorce and the issues around it,
including separation, divorce laws, spousal support and emotional issues.

profile
Community  :: deborah-trevino's Stuff  :: deborah-trevino's Blog

deborah-trevino is trying to relax
  click here 
Personal Tags
ADVERTISING PARTNERS


Blogs
You can search for Blogs by tag here:


Invite Others
Invite friends and family to join you on d360! - Click here

Do You Wallow In Self Pity? 

During the times that I was suspecting my husband's cheating, I wanted to explode. I got mad, but I never got even. I wanted to make all the bad things go away. After we split up, I found myself wallowing in self pity. I felt sorry for myself that I had no partner anymore. I felt bad that I was the one having to pay all the bills by myself. I didn't have a big paying job and I just wanted to run away from it all, but I couldn't. I know that I deserved to be loved by somebody, and not someone who wanted more than just me. I knew that I deserved better in life. I didn't feel as though my wallowing about that was a problem. My problem came much later, as I tried pulling myself up into normalcy once again and it was hard. It wasn't just a little hard, it was horrific. I started finding things to be upset about, such as my weight, my job and where I was living. I had to take a stand before I was going to get out of that mess. It took bravery and courage, but finally, I brought myself out of the weepy eyed tears and allowed myself to get back on track to real life once again. Everyone goes through a period of mourning after divorce and each one of us takes a different time table as to when we are going to make ourselves strong again and get on with life. Don't worry if you feel as though you are taking a long time with it, because everyone has to deal with those issues in their own timing. Give yourself credit for the things that you HAVE done.
by deborah-trevino  640 Posts 

Posted on 7/21/2008 4:37 PM
Get AlertsGet Alerts!
Sent to Friendsend to friend
0

Tags: divorce , self pity , a new life
<< Previous Post  |  Blog posts by deborah-trevino  |  Next Post >>


Comments for "Do You Wallow In Self Pity?"  (3) (You must be logged in to answer)




There IS a plan, and you won't see it laid out before you.  God illuminates our path like a childs flashlight.  Maybe 3 or 4 feet the beam will shine on the ground in the darkness showing you the way.  Get in too much of a hurry and think you know the way to go and you can easily make a misstep.  Take slow and deliberate steps, all the while trusting His guiding presence in your heart, and you will avoid stubbing your toe or falling off the edge.

I have to admit it is much easier to type these thoughts on a keyboard than it is to really focus on it in my life.  I struggle just like you do, so you are NOT alone in this.  I've been cheated on and lied to and taken for granted and pitied and ignored and disregarded and not missed when gone on a business trip and laughed at behind my back and hated for trying to love my wife the way God intended a husband to love a wife.  That's not easily healed.  I wish my best friend lived in my city so I could talk about this more often with him.  I encourage you to share your feelings with a counselor, it's helped me greatly to have an advocate.  lol...I wish I could talk to my wife about all this, she's really the person that I used to have the greatest faith in.
by 2CoolDaughters   185 Posts
Posted on 7/23/2008 8:36 AM
0





Oh, you are sooooo right on this one.  I do have my ups and downs and need to focus more on the positive side of life. I do believe that God is in control and sometimes I wonder why He allows us to go through such pain, but I need to stop asking and just live my life. There must be a reason for why things happen. Thank you so much. 
by deborah-trevino   640 Posts
Posted on 7/22/2008 8:17 AM
0





Self-pity is a natural emotion so don't beat yourself up for that. I too have moments of great strength followed by the lowest lows. My wife's infidelity has reduced my self-esteem like I never imagined possible. The strength comes when I am in control of my emotions. So like when I caught her still at it a couple weeks ago I called her on the carpet. I initiated a visit with my attorney, steeled myself to what awaited me at home that night. I was in control, I had the power. When she asked me "what do you want?" I said "I want you gone from here..." and it felt so empowering. She was shell-shocked. Twice before she'd been caught with the same man, and twice I let her decide if she was going or staying. She stayed and that was worse for me because she just figured I was a push-over. This last time, and I mean LAST time, I said no. She is on the couch because her atty advised her not to leave, and I can understand him doing that. So I felt strong and didn