Because we all live, and thus parent, from the experiences that shaped us, I never considered trying to get sole custody of our children.
Although I was, and continue to be concerned about the obvious strains of joint custody such as there little lives being changed every wednesday, getting dropped off at school by dad and picked up by mom, them wanting something to complete a game or an outfit and not having it, holidays, and all the other millions of inconveniences that we have created for them, I knew that they needed there father; and he needed them. As much as possible.
So we started out pathetically, every other day. He drove them to school, I picked them up. In a way it worked for us as we all adjusted cautiously to this new life. The connection was still there and we weaned ourselves, arguing daily about my forgetting our sons belt or not doing his homework right or on time or whatever it was, slowly disengaging from the familiarity that had become so uncomfortable. Whatever had existed before to force the common courtesies was now gone and the contempt revealed itself, hungry and engaging. Confirming the decision, over and over.
Then we were ready to turn the page, suddenly. I searched online for studies and psychiatrists who had experience with this subject and could protect the fragile psyche and bonding necessary for the health of my children. Like that's not the burden of a lifetime. "yeah, can someone tell me how to NOT screw up my kids and get a divorce? Simutaneously?"
We changed to 3 consecutive days.
I will say, seek your own peace first and without ceasing during these times. We HAD to come together for a united front and cause here and without the help and guidance of a strong inner strength, it can get nasty. We all love our children soo much and need to find a way to rise above all the opportunities to bring anger and discord into there lives, for many of us, that is why we chose this path. Keeping that in the very front of my mind, and knowing that included being kind and open toward there dad, was vital.
One situation at a time. Thats all I have. Avoiding guilt and fear because those emotions block me off from finding a solution and being useful to anyone, keeping perspective..there not gonna starve or live in war and violence.
I looked them in there eyes often during this, and promised, "you guys dont have to worry about big people problems, or whether or not your going to be ok because your dad and I will make sure your ok." And somehow, the more I said it, the more I believed it.