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Should you go? 

I just learned that my ex husbands father passed away. He was my father-in-law for 7 years and Ive known him for 20, yet I have no desire to go and pay my last respects. Its not that I disliked the man. He was a great guy. However, while I was raising my kids, and his son was failing to pay me child support, he took HIS side. I guess that's what you are supposed to do with your children, even if they are in the wrong. I just cant get past it. Every time he and his wife would come to visit the boys, I always got a sob story about how much money Kevin didn't have and how the DA was making HIS (my ex's) life miserable. HELLO...what about OUR kids? I can remember one thing in particular that left a knot in my stomach. My ex in-laws took my kids for the weekend. While they had them, my oldest sons shoe broke (Well, ripped is a more appropriate term). Instead of paying 10 dollars and getting him a pair of shoes from payless, they duct taped it and sent him home that way. In their minds, not only is their son in dire straits because he has to pay child support (poor, poor Kevin) but they arent going to dish out a dime to buy their oldest grandson new shoes just to spite me, even though they knew I wasnt getting money from him because he was unemployed at the time. My mother would NEVER have done that. I don't feel sorrow for the man that just passed away. As a matter of fact, I don't really feel anything. I know that he was my children's last grandfather, and I want them to pay their respects, but I don't thinks it my job to make sure he gets to the funeral. Steven, my oldest, is in the military so he wont be able to make it. I just think it should be my ex husbands responsibility to find a way to take my youngest son. I know he doesn't live here and when he flies in, he wont have a car or money (what else is new), but for once he needs to be the one to figure it out. Am I right? I cant afford to take a day off work to attend the funeral. What is the protocol for something like this? Am I supposed to attend out of respect for my kids?
by Lori-Woodall  516 Posts 
Posted on 7/17/2008 9:02 PM
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Tags: ex husbands , funerals
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Comments for "Should you go?"  (5) (You must be logged in to answer)




"...him decide..." - I do recall from earlier posts that your son was not to excited about the relationship that his father has maintained with him over these past years of his life; and, obviously with this in mind, your son's lack of desire to participate is certainly understandable. The key, from my perspective, is that the two of you were able to come together into a decision that works for both of you in this particular situation and that your son fully realizes that you are there for him now as before. You are doing what you know as a mother for your own. Best wishes...
by bp   585 Posts
Posted on 7/19/2008 11:34 AM
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I guess I forgot to mention that the funeral is an hour away. Its not like its right up the street. It is a big inconvenience and cost, considering what we are paying for gas these days. I asked my son what he wanted to do and his choice was not to go. Decision made. It had nothing to do with me. I told him I would take him if his father couldnt pick him up. He didnt think twice. I think that fact that Kevin hasnt played a big part in his life made the decision for him quite easy. His response, "I will go and visit my Dad next year when I graduate." He wasnt close to his grandparents either so I no longer feel guilty. I let him decide and then dropped the subject.
by Lori-Woodall   516 Posts
Posted on 7/18/2008 8:55 PM
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