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confusion 

My husband and I have been struggling with the idea of splitting up for the past year and have definately been unhappy for the past couple of years.  I don't believe that the love is gone, but I do believe that the trust is destroyed.  We have both gone through some trying times and seemed to have headed in different directions rather than turning to each other.  I turned to alcohol and he turned off.  He states that he still loves me, but with all that has gone on, cannot be with me emotionally.  Although we still live together, I am so lonely and have been for some time.  I don't know what to do, I want the marriage back the way it was a couple of years ago, and he keeps telling me I need to be patient and not push him to be with me.  I have gone through treatment and attend AA on a regular basis in hopes that it could help to save the marriage and myself.  I sometimes think that he is using me for convenience rather than still having love for me.  There is just more than he and I to think about, there are also the kids. 
by georgann  6 Posts 

Posted on 7/16/2008 10:18 AM 		Get AlertsGet Alerts!
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Comments for "confusion"  (3) (You must be logged in to answer)
We have done couples counseling which was a disaster.  We would have to drive there separately because one of us would get so angry that we wouldn't ride home together.  I have come to the conclusion that I cannot worry about my marriage right now, and have to worry more about my sobriety and my children.  I have never put them in danger or left them.  I am a good mom and was a functional alcoholic (kept the job and the appearance up).  I am sure that I will go on with or without him, but at this point would rather be with him.  Of course there are requirements for continuing the relationship.  I am not willing to just be the roommate, babysitter and cleaning lady.  He is required to have a relationship with me where my feelings and needs are not only important, but met.
by georgann   6 Posts
Posted on 7/18/2008 9:26 AM
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georqann, hang in there ,keep going to AA meetings,as they say chase the meeting like you chased the booze.I `m still going to AA my self,one day at a time,it`s a slow ride.I just got divorced and the booze is what pushed it over the edge,I have  children also and hope to be seeing them soon,it has to be supervised,but i`m going to get to see them,it been 6 months,I called and going to setup a intake meeting with councel,try not to think in the furture at this time,take it as one minute at a time,just let life flow at you and take it as it comes,one step at a time and tomorrow morning when you get up,just try not to pick up that first drink,wait five minutes,let it pass then wait til the next five minutes,let it pass then go to 10 minutes,let it pass,just increase the desire to not pick up in minutes,then as time go on,it will be hrs,then turn to days,but keep in mind it`s a day to day thing.Trust me  I know it ant easy,get a sponcer and phone numbers.Us AA members have to stick together,good luck!!!!
by steveo   140 Posts
Posted on 7/16/2008 1:09 PM
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Have you two considered couples counseling? It's a way to try and bring things back to normal, while airing the things that keep you apart. It sounds like you still want this to work. You might give it a shot.  It'll be hard, but good relationships are worth it.
by Robert-Boyd   3880 Posts
Posted on 7/16/2008 12:53 PM
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