When I was married, holiday parties went with the territory. But now that I’m single, I have to admit that I pick and choose the invitations - especially if it’s billed as a ‘plus one’ event or ‘bring your partner!’ greeting.
It’s not that I’m anti-social or shy. Or that I feel like I need to have an escort in order to go. I’m fairly gregarious on my own, have no problem taking myself out to dinner or my neighborhood wine bar, and don’t feel like I need an appendage in order to complete myself.
So why do I hesitate when I get the book group invitation? Why does the company party - where I’m one of the few people not bringing a date - throw me for a loop?
I don’t know.
Part of it is that I’m really private about my relationships now (after years of having been, uh, not so discreet). I don’t want to bring a casual date to a party just to make the numbers even out, nor do I want to bring someone who may not be there next year.
I also don’t think it’s particularly fair to the other person - my attention’s bound to wander, and I’m the only person he knows, really.
But if I’m really telling the truth - or did a bit more digging into my psyche (which I won’t do today, thankyouverymuch) - I’m betting that at some point, I bought into the myth that says I can only be a part of the fun if I’m already part of a couple.
It also embarrasses me to admit that I still might believe that there’s a grain or two of truth to the myth after all. And admitting that would make me angry - at myself, that is.
I know my friends don’t think any less of me for my uncoupled state. And they’d die if they felt they’d done anything to make me feel unwanted.
But there it sits. The debate about whether or not to go to that party, or this event.
How do you handle those holiday invitations when you know everyone else will be coupled up?