It all changed Sunday morning....I had been confident in my decisions. I am having the hardest time putting this life of mine into words. We do normal daily activities to keep the household. Washing, cleaning, cutting grass all has been going as normal. He helped with the yard sale Sat morning, setup/cleanup. I knew we both had the understanding it was a matter of time. We recently discussed there was no future for us.
Then Sunday morning I initiated sex. He has over these months and I would not allow it. Without getting into detail, it was very satisfing for both of us. We talked after-not so much as reconciling but how we were good together. In his talk he said I'm going to promise you something-I'm going to kiss you goodnight every night. Of course in the moment I was not thinking, but also I was not making promises. He cooked breakfast and we went out to wash our cars. Early afternoon I am kicking myself, how could I let this happen. I did not want to send any mixed messages.
There was no discussion and it was late Sunday before I went to bed. I told him I didn't want it to happen again. Which of course I didn't get a goodnight kiss. He called me this morning and I threw in his face another promise he couldn't keep 1 day. I know it was a horrible way to just start something instead of just telling him I felt it was a mistake. I feel all my sensible decisions to "sell out" have now been shattered. I need to get out the only way to not have the temptation of what came over me Sunday morning. I guess I'm feeling weakness and I know I do not want to be with him. I cannot get past the hurt and there is no future for us.