I'll tell you what, I can definitely relate to all that you are saying.  After reading your description of the 1st day I went thru the same things you are going thru right now.  My ex told me he wanted out right before Christmas of 2007 and our 17 yr anniversary, saying he was unhappy for months maybe years, and didn't love me anymore.  Things will be like a rollar coaster ride for awhile with your emotions believe me, there will be plenty of ups and downs, but you will get thru it.  My divorce was finalized in March of this year and I have my good days and bad days, especially knowing he left me for someone else and is living with her now, that really hurts, but I'm trying to get thru it.  You need to get thru it in your own time and I hope that you have family support behind you and I hope you can get into a support group in your area.  I went thru a divorce support group and it helped to see that I wasn't alone in this and that I had another adult to talk to, because I can't vent to my kids.  If he can get counseling that's great, but if not then you need to move on and make a better life for you.  Sounds like the drinking has taken over his life and he has issues to deal with.  We are behind you 100% and I'm sorry you are going thru this.  I once told someone that I don't wish this type of pain on my enemies, but you will get thru it it will just suck for awhile!  Good luck to you and I hope everything works out for you.

I would have thought there would be signs he would have shown as well.  The drinking more could be one, maybe he didn't know how to talk about how he felt and drank to deal with it.  He should have let you know what he was feeling about your marriage.  I am the one considering divorce in my relationship, but I tried to get my husband to hear me out, to go to counseling. He didn't want to, and that's what led me to get tired and fall out of love. In this case, I think it would be great if he went to therapy with you.  I wish you luck in whatever happens, but no matter what you'll be ok in the end.

My husband 1st left almost 2 yrs ago, just a few months before our 5 yr anniv. I begged, pleaded and cried and lost 30 lbs in 3 mos. He was the love of my life, and I couldn't believe it could happen to us. Then he came back and now I wish he had stayed gone. The past 2 yrs have been a pathetic show. He hasn't changed at all, but I have, and I resent him for putting me thru all of this. Now I can picture a life without him, and it looks better than this, but I have 2 small kids, and a smaller part that still loves him.

Good luck, it sucks for a long time, but somehow you go on.